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Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

#16519347
467 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11612) - you deserved it (117994)

On 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm - misc - by kringr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

#172507
487 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118830) - you deserved it (275859)

On 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm - love - by MrCanoe (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML

#3344863
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71758) - you deserved it (12588)

On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

#8719561
455 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7753) - you deserved it (55616)

On 02/28/2010 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokémon and Bionicles in his room. FML

#856956
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59218) - you deserved it (20270)

On 04/07/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by phreshrice (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

#5416857
454 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61048) - you deserved it (5303)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by carnivore (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out where my $300 worth of American Eagle and Hollister clothes had disappeared to. My 16 year old sister shredded them with scissors, took pictures of it for her Myspace and said that I deserved it for being a "conformist." All her "internet friends" said it was awesome. FML

#6901032
444 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34674) - you deserved it (11274)

On 12/23/2009 at 11:05am - kids - by meep (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

#14512160
465 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71559) - you deserved it (3831)

On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

#16639445
449 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48393) - you deserved it (5579)

On 06/13/2011 at 2:25am - intimacy - by John jacob - United States (Georgia)

Today, I corrected someone who spelled "learned" as "learnt" on my favorite forum. Nothing could've prepared me for the torrent of abuse that followed from the non-American members. Now I'm banned for "trolling," and all my 7,000+ posts since 2006 are gone forever. FML

#19593515
448 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14480) - you deserved it (36371)

On 05/08/2012 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

#677461
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (103020) - you deserved it (22370)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:03am - love - by engaged (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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