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Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

#19124149
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29119) - you deserved it (4375)

On 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by Gavin - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my boyfriend and parents went out to dinner. As we started the meal, my boyfriend proposed and the restaurant burst into applause. My mother said without hesitation and a large scowl, "If you say yes, I'm leaving." FML

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19846) - you deserved it (45743)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

#15052365
412 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8227) - you deserved it (103360)

On 02/20/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by :/ - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML

#16077554
480 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15282) - you deserved it (87777)

On 05/07/2011 at 11:29am - misc - by BCBUDDY - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
480 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51178) - you deserved it (4778)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, while drinking at a bar with my girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend who I've been seeing on the side walked straight up to her, introducing herself as "the ex-girlfriend that he's been sleeping with for the past 3 months." FML

Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

#6303119
478 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17012) - you deserved it (44354)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my fiancé and I had a fight over household expenses. He's never had a job in his life, but this didn't stop him demanding that I get another full-time job to pay for video games and beer. FML

#15177236
477 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24983) - you deserved it (52501)

On 03/02/2011 at 6:21pm - money - by me - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend asked me how women could urinate with a tampon in. FML

#16042131
477 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44725) - you deserved it (7881)

On 05/04/2011 at 7:51am - intimacy - by woah (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

#18819143
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31941) - you deserved it (7116)

On 01/15/2012 at 10:30pm - love - by geeklove - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

#17646156
477 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46425) - you deserved it (4253)

On 09/02/2011 at 6:02pm - kids - by anonymous - United States (Florida)



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