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Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

#14512160
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74522) - you deserved it (4018)

On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

#2651635
485 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75964) - you deserved it (5259)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (519288) - you deserved it (51209)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was proposed to in a McDonald's. FML

#9127255
445 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62391) - you deserved it (14448)

On 03/16/2010 at 6:55am - love - by hater -

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

#5416857
462 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66135) - you deserved it (5712)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by carnivore (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

#16689937
514 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17605) - you deserved it (234383)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:20am - intimacy - by crushed dreams - United States

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38896) - you deserved it (100349)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

#14242340
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22427) - you deserved it (88450)

On 12/18/2010 at 12:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML

#3344863
477 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76859) - you deserved it (14003)

On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
520 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82587) - you deserved it (9662)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

#1200531
485 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65748) - you deserved it (24213)

On 04/21/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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