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Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38102) - you deserved it (5695)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML

#19449472
463 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13915) - you deserved it (36274)

On 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by erockinthesuburb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

#17115448
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54615) - you deserved it (9321)

On 07/15/2011 at 12:24am - animals - by flipnazn - United States (Texas)

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

#16092460
525 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19608) - you deserved it (66243)

On 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
476 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47179) - you deserved it (4370)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get fitted for a new bra since mine weren't fitting properly. To my amazement, I wasn't a 32A, but a 32AA. I might as well have craters on my chest. FML

#15103887
456 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31639) - you deserved it (4796)

On 02/24/2011 at 5:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

#17646156
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45996) - you deserved it (4226)

On 09/02/2011 at 6:02pm - kids - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
522 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74948) - you deserved it (8772)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML

#10665282
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27010) - you deserved it (3902)

On 05/21/2010 at 8:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17921) - you deserved it (42084)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me how women could urinate with a tampon in. FML

#16042131
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42282) - you deserved it (7588)

On 05/04/2011 at 7:51am - intimacy - by woah (woman) - United States (West Virginia)



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