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Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
441 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38577) - you deserved it (10435)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38259) - you deserved it (5704)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML

#19449472
465 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14621) - you deserved it (37576)

On 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by erockinthesuburb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
519 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54392) - you deserved it (315620)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

#17115448
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54813) - you deserved it (9329)

On 07/15/2011 at 12:24am - animals - by flipnazn - United States (Texas)

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

#16092460
525 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19682) - you deserved it (66376)

On 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
477 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47360) - you deserved it (4385)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get fitted for a new bra since mine weren't fitting properly. To my amazement, I wasn't a 32A, but a 32AA. I might as well have craters on my chest. FML

#15103887
457 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31774) - you deserved it (4805)

On 02/24/2011 at 5:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

#17646156
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46174) - you deserved it (4232)

On 09/02/2011 at 6:02pm - kids - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

#1617373
516 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102619) - you deserved it (274463)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
522 comments

I agree, your life sucks (246110) - you deserved it (32272)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

#20024660
517 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11517) - you deserved it (153508)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
521 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75269) - you deserved it (8800)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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