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Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
487 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20462) - you deserved it (46908)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42006) - you deserved it (6086)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
442 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41130) - you deserved it (10936)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52376) - you deserved it (4878)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

#172507
505 comments

I agree, your life sucks (126212) - you deserved it (289064)

On 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm - love - by MrCanoe (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML

#18781684
536 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33230) - you deserved it (57385)

On 01/12/2012 at 12:36am - love - by Nate (man) - United States

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

#17646156
479 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50365) - you deserved it (4606)

On 09/02/2011 at 6:02pm - kids - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

#16519347
479 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12533) - you deserved it (129074)

On 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm - misc - by kringr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend asked me how women could urinate with a tampon in. FML

#16042131
478 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46218) - you deserved it (8030)

On 05/04/2011 at 7:51am - intimacy - by woah (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
530 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22661) - you deserved it (55641)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my cousin and we saw a family of three. They where all really fat and the lady was holding 2 boxes of pizza. I decided to roll down the window and scream "fatasses" as loud as I could while my cousin drove off. They were going to the same house we were. FML

#7732891
407 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7439) - you deserved it (91563)

On 01/31/2010 at 2:03am - misc - by lauris1306 - Canada (Ontario)



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