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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
524 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59728) - you deserved it (327265)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

#2651635
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71053) - you deserved it (4863)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
520 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80490) - you deserved it (9409)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
519 comments

I agree, your life sucks (143170) - you deserved it (8130)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

#16276951
516 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14104) - you deserved it (238103)

On 05/21/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

#1200531
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61372) - you deserved it (22726)

On 04/21/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

#1617373
514 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109400) - you deserved it (282616)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
440 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78031) - you deserved it (8139)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

#16689937
508 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16814) - you deserved it (228001)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:20am - intimacy - by crushed dreams - United States

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML

#16746059
508 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56793) - you deserved it (6991)

On 06/19/2011 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

#329882
457 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29287) - you deserved it (304619)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:30pm - misc - by SwedishBozo (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be petted. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML

#5210731
396 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27761) - you deserved it (92225)

On 09/12/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)



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