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Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
531 comments

I agree, your life sucks (251226) - you deserved it (32438)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
530 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20413) - you deserved it (53962)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

#20024660
530 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13314) - you deserved it (165075)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

#16092460
529 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21271) - you deserved it (69374)

On 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
527 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18821) - you deserved it (134946)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
524 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59726) - you deserved it (327231)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
520 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80417) - you deserved it (9405)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
519 comments

I agree, your life sucks (143160) - you deserved it (8128)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
516 comments

I agree, your life sucks (244908) - you deserved it (82554)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

#16276951
516 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14103) - you deserved it (238056)

On 05/21/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

#1200531
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61364) - you deserved it (22725)

On 04/21/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

#1617373
514 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104838) - you deserved it (277700)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)



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