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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
511 comments

I agree, your life sucks (132823) - you deserved it (7368)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML

#10903041
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9688) - you deserved it (118031)

On 06/01/2010 at 5:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML

#18086269
525 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10085) - you deserved it (184134)

On 10/27/2011 at 1:01am - work - by charlie3289 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having an affair with a girl from my work. She scratched my back while we were doing it and I didn't want my wife to find out so I threw myself down the stairs at work and ended up having to go to the hospital. FML

#10658705
526 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15810) - you deserved it (246727)

On 05/20/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by Chichensoup (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML

#16746059
506 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55285) - you deserved it (6864)

On 06/19/2011 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

#16276951
505 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12262) - you deserved it (223887)

On 05/21/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML

#16003587
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39738) - you deserved it (4039)

On 05/01/2011 at 12:11pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

#19840334
498 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8924) - you deserved it (45097)

On 06/24/2012 at 5:45pm - kids - by :( (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML

#18781684
534 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30151) - you deserved it (53583)

On 01/12/2012 at 12:36am - love - by Nate (man) - United States

Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML

#5355612
478 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19498) - you deserved it (242465)

On 09/19/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by MgmEboy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend called me and I told him about the AnimeCon I'm attending, and that I wanted to go as Sailor Mars, he told me he had no idea what that was. After being mad for about ten minutes, I realized that I wanted to break up with him over not knowing what Sailor Moon was. FML

#3108036
510 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10721) - you deserved it (78390)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

#18344232
501 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48833) - you deserved it (5918)

On 11/25/2011 at 3:20am - misc - by nicoreal89 - United States (Texas)



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