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Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (177160) - you deserved it (61332)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58488) - you deserved it (156400)
On 07/03/2009 at 10:16am - misc - by shandrith (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16525) - you deserved it (39248)
On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States
Today, my boyfriend woke up wheezing terribly, aching, and sneezing. He's allergic to cats. I have 2 and they are my babies. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the cats. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him that I choose the cats. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15145) - you deserved it (45838)
On 07/15/2010 at 2:53am - love - by BambooLove (woman) - United States
Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16239) - you deserved it (51332)
On 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (165003) - you deserved it (14421)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)
Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (25619) - you deserved it (12216)
On 06/16/2010 at 10:42am - health - by Joy (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)
Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24443) - you deserved it (12480)
On 06/29/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by wispywee - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46924) - you deserved it (5175)
On 06/19/2011 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (306300) - you deserved it (40890)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, a 7 year old girl came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (192659) - you deserved it (18015)
On 03/30/2009 at 1:06am - kids - by Wmsys32pr9 (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6804) - you deserved it (31842)
On 06/24/2012 at 5:45pm - kids - by :( (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I witnessed my girlfriend eat the dead skin from the soles of her feet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58941) - you deserved it (6154)
On 06/27/2011 at 10:56am - intimacy - by footfood (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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