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Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML

#3796227
575 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28935) - you deserved it (86897)

On 07/16/2009 at 6:16am - kids - by notawizard (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend I still love, and his new girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. Embarrassingly, she was wearing the same top as me. However hers was in size 6, unlike my 16. FML

#17239646
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45591) - you deserved it (17144)

On 07/24/2011 at 8:22am - love - by oouchh (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863
540 comments

I agree, your life sucks (214327) - you deserved it (23049)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
483 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55311) - you deserved it (27714)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

#11238681
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30983) - you deserved it (16812)

On 06/16/2010 at 10:42am - health - by Joy (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)

Today, at 21 years old, I am still so flat chested that I can't even fit into training bras meant for 12 year olds. FML

#15679727
588 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49742) - you deserved it (5281)

On 04/07/2011 at 12:55pm - misc - by nerdsgetmehot (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
528 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20339) - you deserved it (52403)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

#16909818
470 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30785) - you deserved it (16944)

On 06/29/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by wispywee - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56384) - you deserved it (5569)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
507 comments

I agree, your life sucks (238933) - you deserved it (82196)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

#341783
541 comments

I agree, your life sucks (512758) - you deserved it (35199)

On 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm - love - by thankskimi (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having an affair with for 6 months. FML

#5470
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43520) - you deserved it (359074)

On 02/02/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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