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Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
496 comments

I agree, your life sucks (213815) - you deserved it (73286)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

#3639578
459 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57479) - you deserved it (30025)

On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52819) - you deserved it (26716)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

#11238681
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26147) - you deserved it (12427)

On 06/16/2010 at 10:42am - health - by Joy (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)

Today, at 21 years old, I am still so flat chested that I can't even fit into training bras meant for 12 year olds. FML

#15679727
590 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48037) - you deserved it (5151)

On 04/07/2011 at 12:55pm - misc - by nerdsgetmehot (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

#19249528
588 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21513) - you deserved it (50346)

On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
527 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17687) - you deserved it (48494)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863
532 comments

I agree, your life sucks (197145) - you deserved it (20881)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

#16092460
523 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17193) - you deserved it (61497)

On 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

#1617373
506 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81459) - you deserved it (222580)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

#16524791
575 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90867) - you deserved it (9839)

On 06/06/2011 at 2:27am - misc - by KillMeNow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

#16909818
460 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24975) - you deserved it (12610)

On 06/29/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by wispywee - Canada (Ontario)



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