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Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

#1584585
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16979) - you deserved it (1816)

On 05/03/2009 at 3:15am - kids - by bodhimae - Sent from mobile version

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

#5133
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28686) - you deserved it (3470)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:49am - love - by murphy - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was watching 24 and realized that Jack Bauer had gotten more action in 5 hours than I had in 5 months. FML

#14536
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26413) - you deserved it (6172)

On 02/08/2009 at 2:39am - misc - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had a job interview at a restauraunt opening up. One manager hypothetically asked me why I should be hired. I said I was more efficient than most. I left to find I'd locked my keys in the car. It took all the managers to help me get my keys out. FML

#100454
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10679) - you deserved it (29587)

On 02/21/2009 at 11:22pm - misc - by FailAtLife - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

#125305
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40479) - you deserved it (6115)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:14pm - health - by Sheezey (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said "That's great to hear!" Turns out she had lung-cancer instead. FML

#191131
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39491) - you deserved it (14337)

On 03/02/2009 at 11:09pm - health - by AbsentMindedBoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

#5283658
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33040) - you deserved it (3977)

On 09/15/2009 at 10:43pm - animals - by Brinty (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

#5819831
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21898) - you deserved it (3107)

On 10/13/2009 at 9:25pm - misc - by Chensticles - Sent from mobile version

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

#6018223
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20948) - you deserved it (7808)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:45am - kids - by Chub (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got chewed out at work when my supervisor showed up, because my coworkers told my supervisor they couldn't find me for an hour and a half. Why couldn't they find me? Because they'd left to go get coffee. FML

#5924577
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28699) - you deserved it (1788)

On 10/21/2009 at 1:40am - work - by wrongtarget (man) - United States

Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML

#5990692
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11661) - you deserved it (68223)

On 10/25/2009 at 1:18pm - animals - by stixx (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got offered a ride to go home for the weekend. I go to college six hours away from home and haven't seen my family for almost two months. When I called my mom with the good news, she told me not to come. FML

#5611182
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32711) - you deserved it (2147)

On 10/02/2009 at 9:01pm - misc - by wowjuststop - United States (Virginia)

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

#5847972
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26322) - you deserved it (7234)

On 10/16/2009 at 2:21am - misc - by Unlucky. (woman) - United States (California)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

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