Choose the period

Choose a category


Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

by Lebac / 04/14/2015 at 4:33am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my dad about my worries for my mental health. He then told me about the tracking device the aliens had implanted in his hand when they abducted him. There's nothing like family. FML

by flibbertigibbet / 05/07/2015 at 4:56pm / United States (California) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

by MedChew / 05/08/2015 at 8:46am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having a sexy dream that I would have enjoyed, I dreamt he was a supervisor at my work. He kept telling me how much I sucked. FML

by BrittUnicorn / 07/06/2015 at 11:14am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my dad got so drunk that I had to drive him home. He kept yelling at me to not speed, saying I was going too fast and that there were too many bumps on the road. I hadn't even started the car yet. FML

by AnonymousZOMBIE / 06/25/2015 at 3:23pm / United States (Louisiana) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2015 at 10:54pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why my mother-in-law kept asking for one particular photo of our baby. She just wanted to show off the blanket that she had made to her friends on Facebook. Her first grandchild was almost completely cropped out of the picture. FML

by AndyClara / 06/14/2015 at 4:27pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

by Greattitan2 / 06/29/2015 at 4:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2015 at 10:21pm / United States / Kids

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

by Not turnt / 07/27/2015 at 3:12pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2015 at 1:56pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2015 at 7:28am / United States / Love

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2015 at 8:37am / Portugal (Lisboa) / Miscellaneous