Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, at work, a crazy customer forced me to promise to take a holiday greeting picture of my cat and myself for her. She says she'll be back and expects one. FML

by not crazy enough / 11/17/2014 at 1:48pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

by SeaBind / 11/15/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (Michigan) / Geek

Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML

by lovethateuropeanblood / 12/08/2014 at 9:12am / Japan (Osaka) / Love

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

by I'm so wet, baby / 11/28/2014 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML

by anonymous / 12/08/2014 at 6:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, my daughter wasn't feeling well, so we allowed her to sleep in bed with us. She snuggled right up with my husband. I felt a little jealous until she turned around and cuddled with me, just long enough to throw up all over me. She then flipped back over and snuggled with her dad. FML

by SickMaMa / 12/09/2014 at 5:39pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my parents threw a hissy fit calling me ungrateful and disrespectful for wanting to do laundry and clean at home, instead of going out to their friends' house for dinner. They also disconnected the Internet to punish me when they left. I'm 20 and visiting home on a college break. FML

by justwantedtounpack / 12/28/2014 at 11:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex boyfriend got married to the girl he told me was his sister. FML

by single / 12/24/2014 at 4:49pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2015 at 11:40am / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my sister licking all of the silverware and putting it back in the drawer. FML

by awkwardpineapples / 01/07/2015 at 10:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML

by foreveralone / 02/17/2015 at 10:48am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind: "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2015 at 3:00pm / United States (Vermont) / Love

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2015 at 1:11pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids