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Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML

#347
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22755) - you deserved it (3689)

On 11/20/2008 at 6:10am - love - by archer - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML

#405
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36059) - you deserved it (9590)

On 11/28/2008 at 3:50am - intimacy - by Sam - Sent from mobile version

Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML

#619
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34345) - you deserved it (1563)

On 12/28/2008 at 8:41pm - misc - by pop - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

#8816
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49401) - you deserved it (17432)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by PlayTag (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that if she had a penny for every time I had brought her to climax she'd have change for a nickel. We've been married for 16 years. FML

#11991
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31276) - you deserved it (11443)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by phobopohobia (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML

#6517
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7098) - you deserved it (49011)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:30pm - misc - by j0natron (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while at work I was reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to me class of 5 year olds. I got near the end of the book and said "Look at the big fat caterpillar" to which one of my pupils replied "Just like you, Miss!" FML

#55893
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37420) - you deserved it (5329)

On 02/16/2009 at 8:11pm - kids - by Lesley (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, and made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informs me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

#217564
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42103) - you deserved it (14551)

On 03/05/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by ohnolunch - United States (California)

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

#17424744
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32693) - you deserved it (9084)

On 08/10/2011 at 12:46am - health - by auntoftheyear - United States (Louisiana)

Today, at work I had to use the bathroom. I asked my boss to watch my register and quickly walked into the bathroom. I squatted down and peed. A minute later I heard someone ask over our walkie talkie system who was using the bathroom. I had been pressing the intercom button while I peed. FML

#3456831
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30697) - you deserved it (11781)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:19pm - work - by PeePee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

#1865154
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44565) - you deserved it (7219)

On 05/12/2009 at 1:48am - work - by pdnne (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML

#2214094
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37084) - you deserved it (3245)

On 05/23/2009 at 4:20pm - work - by jend (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

#2299417
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43005) - you deserved it (2878)

On 05/26/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by Allen (man) - United States (Illinois)



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