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Today, while at work, I had to spend an hour and a half on the phone, listening to an old lady relive her entire day in excruciating detail. We're not allowed to hang up on customers, and she was extremely quick to dismiss all my attempts to steer the call back on topic. FML

#21308187
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29018) - you deserved it (3170)

On 11/29/2014 at 2:45pm - work - by gotta euthanize em all (man) - Canada

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

#21347765
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27284) - you deserved it (2724)

On 02/01/2015 at 1:13pm - health - by Why's it so cold in here? - United States

Today, my aunt and uncle came into the restaurant I work at to give me a late Christmas gift. The gift was the $20 tip they left, which got divided amongst all the staff. FML

Today, at work, a 3-year-old threw an egg at me from his cart. I couldn't leave my register to clean my hair because it was too busy, so when the new manager came in, he wrote me up for "unkempt appearance." Now my new hire probation period is extended 30 days, and my nickname is "Egghead." FML

#21327516
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31082) - you deserved it (2381)

On 12/30/2014 at 11:38pm - work - by EggHead - United States (Virginia)

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

#21349786
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27197) - you deserved it (3245)

On 02/04/2015 at 4:49pm - misc - by jl_word - United States

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

#21350938
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28068) - you deserved it (2544)

On 02/06/2015 at 1:51pm - misc - by valarmorgoolies (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

#21342258
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28601) - you deserved it (2921)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

#21335978
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26002) - you deserved it (1834)

On 01/12/2015 at 8:11pm - misc - by PO'd big bro - United States (Georgia)

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27910) - you deserved it (2116)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

#21397904
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28583) - you deserved it (2459)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:06am - work - by -_- (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML

#21330412
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33324) - you deserved it (2150)

On 01/04/2015 at 1:46am - work - by gothicvamp93 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML

#21382684
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32160) - you deserved it (1933)

On 03/27/2015 at 10:12pm - love - by biblepain - United States (Arizona)

Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML

#21412612
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24933) - you deserved it (1563)

On 05/19/2015 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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