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Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time. Bailing us out of jail. FML

by DB / 02/22/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way my mother says, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then asks, "Does he know that?" FML

by ThanksMa / 03/22/2009 at 3:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to close a simple $400 deal with a homeowner. He spent 3 hours telling me about his life story including his marital problems, his philosophical views of the world, AND he read me 20 pages of haiku poems. Only 3 hours later did he tell me he couldn't accept my deal. FML

by canabana / 04/11/2009 at 4:42am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I was training for my new job at a restaurant. As part of training, they give you free food so you know what to reccommend, and the dish I got was really good. Eight hours later I saw it again while I was puking; I got food poisoning from my own place of work. FML

by newhostess / 04/11/2009 at 12:12pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

by eyeamcool / 04/17/2009 at 12:11am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then ran into a curb, spilled my frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML

by lulabell / 05/18/2009 at 10:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was kicked out of my parents house. I was sleeping in my truck bed because I had nowhere to go. I awoke to a "beep beep beep" noise. I was being towed while sleeping in the truck bed. FML

by tootles / 05/22/2009 at 4:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

by mraow123 / 05/30/2009 at 1:04am / United States / Animals

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

by hellogoodbye / 06/05/2009 at 11:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

by nametag / 06/08/2009 at 10:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML

by secret123 / 02/24/2009 at 6:01am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML

by Kristina / 02/18/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, i walked into starbucks for a job application. I asked the manager if they were hiring, I really need a job. He looked me up and down and replied, " NO". There was a 'now hiring' sign in the window. FML

by timmyb / 03/01/2009 at 10:03pm / United States (California) / Work