Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad got so drunk that I had to drive him home. He kept yelling at me to not speed, saying I was going too fast and that there were too many bumps on the road. I hadn't even started the car yet. FML

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

#21446038
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20164) - you deserved it (2659)

On 07/23/2015 at 2:28pm - animals - by killjoyx - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML

#21442530
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26374) - you deserved it (1510)

On 07/16/2015 at 10:47am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML

#24
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38598) - you deserved it (21109)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:32am - misc - by Benji -

Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML

#527
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34905) - you deserved it (2164)

On 12/16/2008 at 11:10pm - misc - by bloom - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML

#594
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22176) - you deserved it (6452)

On 12/25/2008 at 7:57am - misc - by poupi - Sent from mobile version

Today, a drunk girl asked me for directions to her hotel. I had just bought an empanada and was feeling good, so I agree to look up the address on my phone. Two minutes and a text charge later, I got the address. Out of inebriated glee, she hugged me and knocked the tasty empanada out of my hand. FML

#1108
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16838) - you deserved it (3781)

On 01/14/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Hungry - United States (Virginia)

Today, me and my friend are sitting here on fmylife.com while our boyfriends are out clubbing. FML

#1483
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12098) - you deserved it (22682)

On 01/17/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by ishweta56 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I marked the 6th anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML

#3114
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35938) - you deserved it (5142)

On 01/28/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML

#4050
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31174) - you deserved it (4396)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by JulleandCici - Sent from mobile version

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

#5105
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33487) - you deserved it (2611)

On 02/02/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by a268 - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML

#263421
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57391) - you deserved it (4522)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:03pm - health - by yodada (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML

#330235
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50104) - you deserved it (3270)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:46pm - kids - by maximumpower (man) - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: