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Today, I finally said yes to a date with a guy. I was hesistant due to him being quite a bit younger than me. On our date, he dabbed 27 times. Yes, I actually kept count. FML

by DabTheFuckOut / 09/16/2016 at 3:35pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Today, I’m starting my 28th year with 28 cents on my bank account. FML

by Yohm / 11/06/2008 at 4:41am / Money

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

by AudreyUs / 12/10/2008 at 2:31pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom tried to bribe him with an iPhone to dump me. He accepted. FML

by f'ed_over / 01/19/2009 at 6:12am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was writing a very important email to my college professor. I went upstairs for something and came back down to send it. I later asked him today why he hadn't responded to which he said "I'm flattered...but can't." My roommate had added "love you xxx" at the end of the email. FML

by dntstopmenow / 03/14/2009 at 1:27am / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my job as a cashier, a man and his 3-year old son got in line. The father said, "Give this to the pretty lady," looking at me. The kid looks at me, looks at his dad, and walks over to the next cashier. FML

by Nottheprettylady / 04/04/2009 at 9:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

by feistychick / 04/25/2009 at 9:31am / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML

by jess / 04/30/2009 at 12:51am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove two and a half hours to a job interview. The interviewer never showed up or called. I sat in the hotel lobby waiting for an hour and a half. Even the hotel staff said they felt sorry for me. FML

by unemployed / 05/31/2009 at 12:06am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, as I was rehearsing a kissing scene for a play, I realized that before this play, the last guy I had kissed was the same one I was kissing now. It was also for a play. Four and a half years ago. FML

by iamrose / 06/13/2009 at 1:16am / United States (West Virginia) / Love

Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML

by Snow / 02/07/2009 at 3:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' FML

by skeletor / 02/17/2009 at 10:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

by clementine_k / 03/21/2009 at 10:38pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love