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Today, it's my birthday. I've spent most of it apologizing to my parents for the "hassle" of "having" to arrange a simple birthday dinner. Sorry I was born, guys. FML

#21269752
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33414) - you deserved it (2668)

On 10/02/2014 at 7:51pm - misc - by Sorry (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

#21296003
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33105) - you deserved it (4678)

On 11/10/2014 at 4:10am - work - by Pixel (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I have blue lips because of a guy whose face I don't even remember didn't know the difference between kissing and sucking. FML

#52
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28866) - you deserved it (22986)

On 10/26/2008 at 8:56am - health - by Unknown - Sent from mobile version

Today, thinking that I’m alone at work, I start rummaging through my nose trying to find something interesting. It’s only after about a minute that I notice that my boss is looking straight at me. FML

#242
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7890) - you deserved it (43617)

On 11/07/2008 at 5:10am - work - by JoLaFritte - Sent from mobile version

Today, everyone thought that I was the one who farted in the lift. FML

#251
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28689) - you deserved it (4582)

On 11/08/2008 at 2:51am - misc - by Kat - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out the girl I was in love with has a new boyfriend. I blame myself because I believed her when she said she "wasn't ready" for a relationship. FML

#678
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20140) - you deserved it (3490)

On 01/02/2009 at 6:14am - love - by loser doctor - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

#759
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18357) - you deserved it (5954)

On 12/30/2008 at 3:30pm - money - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML

#1302
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5846) - you deserved it (23174)

On 01/15/2009 at 7:39pm - misc - by jen - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML

#1314
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22932) - you deserved it (5289)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:57pm - misc - by blegh - Switzerland (Ticino)

Today, I figured I'd throw my ex-boyfriend a compliment and told him how "gifted" he was below the belt. He thinks he's paying me a compliment when he tells me how much he loves that little roll of skin that pops up over the top of my pants when I sit down. I'm trying to lose weight, asshole. FML

#1700
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20009) - you deserved it (6810)

On 01/19/2009 at 4:21am - love - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML

#3161
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19262) - you deserved it (1795)

On 01/28/2009 at 5:35pm - misc - by flying solo - United States (California)

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML

#3168
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31715) - you deserved it (4399)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:02pm - love - by john - United States (Kansas)

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

#18109
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36042) - you deserved it (4328)

On 02/09/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by a manly woman? (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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