Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

by yerface / 02/12/2009 at 10:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

by disgusting / 02/04/2009 at 11:51am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was tapping on my thigh to the beat of the music when we were driving to dinner. When I asked him what he was doing he replied, "Just watching the ripples." FML

by thunder thighs / 02/10/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, me and my girlfriend got into a fight. After giving my genius response to one of her asinine comments, I stormed out of the store, having the last word. Ten minutes later she comes out to find me in the parking lot. My car wouldn't start. She texts me "Karma's a bitch" then drives away. FML

by Not so quick getaway. / 02/28/2009 at 2:55am / United States (Virginia) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend and gave him a kiss. I didn't understand why the girl next to him got upset, but it turns out the voicemail I deleted by accident was him breaking up with me. FML

by Kfeaaa / 02/23/2009 at 9:31pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

by stpry of my life / 02/27/2009 at 5:58pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

by thebickster / 03/06/2009 at 12:58pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well performed dive of the diving board, I go up and attempt my best dive. I slip just as I jump and hit my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

by Fish / 03/19/2009 at 11:47am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Love

Today, I saw my train pulling in to the station. I sprinted up the stairs and luckily made the train. I looked around and no one was in my compartment. I began to notice that the train was heading down some tracks I'd never been too. I got stuck on an empty train for 3 hours in the train garage. FML

by bkeiya / 04/08/2009 at 8:49am / Japan (Kanagawa) / Transportation

Today, I was getting off of work, talking to my boss and I asked if I could get a ride home, since my usual ride was too lazy to come get me. He said, sure, but to be really careful since he just had his car detailed. I was getting in the car, tripped and threw my hot cocoa all inside of his car. FML

by Leo_RxXx / 05/26/2009 at 8:18am / United States (Mississippi) / Transportation

Today, I found some oversized-strawberry-spree candies in my pantry. They were delicious and I munched on them through out the day. I ended up in and out, but mostly in, the bathroom in the dead hours of the night experiencing the wonders and effectiveness of Fruit Flavored Fiber pills. FML

by KKimrae_ness / 05/28/2009 at 3:14am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was painting the garage door. After 3 hours, I finally finished the job. As I was walking back inside, accidentally pressed the button that opens and closes the garage door. Not only did the paint job get messed up as it went up, the paint also dripped onto my parents brand new car. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2009 at 3:24am / South Africa (Free State) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

by anonymous / 06/10/2009 at 6:50pm / United States (Indiana) / Health