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Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

#3525
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17964) - you deserved it (4599)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by IEatDammit - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

#5060
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12830) - you deserved it (5361)

On 02/01/2009 at 11:31pm - animals - by Noname - United States (Nebraska)

Today, as I sat on the table in my gynecologist's office for my yearly checkup, I realized that was the most action I got in the past year. FML

#25767
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34191) - you deserved it (6954)

On 02/11/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by dynomyte (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML

#98125
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35927) - you deserved it (8947)

On 02/21/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by taperjeangirl - United States (Washington)

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

#115148
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10374) - you deserved it (34067)

On 02/23/2009 at 4:58pm - animals - by frenchpop1960 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boss said he was giving me a significant raise. After he requested the payroll department to raise my salary they informed him he needed to fill out a one-sheet form. He took my raise away because he didn't want to fill out that sheet. FML

#154769
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60945) - you deserved it (2109)

On 02/27/2009 at 6:05pm - work - by anabolic (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was going over to my friends house for dinner, (it was my birthday) when I walked in everyone yelled surprise and then turned on the lights. When my friend looked over at me she said "wrong person guys, turn off the lights". FML

#240271
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48760) - you deserved it (2179)

On 03/08/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by PmS (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, at work the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

#742330
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69364) - you deserved it (2561)

On 04/01/2009 at 6:07am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, me and my sister hear a buzzing noise in our parent's bedroom. We go to investigate. It's coming from a drawer. We open it up. Battery operated dildo. FML

#770
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29586) - you deserved it (4289)

On 01/01/2009 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, my ex-boyfriend who I am still in love with sends me a text message that says "I miss you, baby". It turns out my name comes right after his girlfriend's name on his contact list. FML

#2236
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20135) - you deserved it (1483)

On 01/22/2009 at 5:47pm - love - by yeah... - United States (Ohio)

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

#5133
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26984) - you deserved it (3277)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:49am - love - by murphy - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory. After I'd finished, the flight attendants continuously sprayed air freshener for two minutes. FML

#11959
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10713) - you deserved it (21804)

On 02/06/2009 at 4:50pm - misc - by yerbuagalapagos wonder (woman) - Ecuador (Galapagos)

Today, I told my mom, "I love you". She responded with, "What? I never told you I loved you." FML

#26936
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36485) - you deserved it (2103)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by chee (woman) - United States (California)



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