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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. Within seconds of getting my drink, I spilled it all over the table and my scarf. When the waiter was helping clean up the spill, he knocked over my boyfriend's drink. All over my pants. FML

#14999054
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26990) - you deserved it (4477)

On 02/16/2011 at 2:40am - misc - by Tori (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

#18814667
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26116) - you deserved it (3290) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/15/2012 at 1:14pm - love - by Vitriol (man) - France

Today, I was put on notice at work due to my "anger problem." Apparently, sighing in a meeting means you will be labeled as someone with a short temper. However the creepy stalker guy is on the fast track to management. FML

#17694865
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21321) - you deserved it (2639)

On 09/08/2011 at 4:23am - work - by blue (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

#18175852
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24722) - you deserved it (5059)

On 11/06/2011 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, in a large church youth group, we were told to write our current biggest trial on a piece of paper, crumple it up, and throw it in pile. I wrote "My mother's death and having to leave my friends and family." The one I picked up just said "math." FML

#18206362
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28346) - you deserved it (3479)

On 11/09/2011 at 10:52pm - misc - by Noslo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

#20138654
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16749) - you deserved it (4249)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML

#18430491
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24690) - you deserved it (2930)

On 12/04/2011 at 8:13pm - love - by brittrod - United States

Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML

#19219281
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19013) - you deserved it (3568)

On 03/05/2012 at 5:28am - misc - by DamnDogs (woman) - Canada

Today, I got whiplash from sneezing. FML

#19448000
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17723) - you deserved it (2655)

On 04/11/2012 at 3:04am - health - by kissrocks4 - United States (California)

Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML

#20006315
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5075) - you deserved it (24675)

On 08/06/2012 at 7:25pm - misc - by maybenot (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I'm hiding from my creepy next-door neighbor. She constantly trash-talks my partner of two years, she's mentally unstable, looks to me for support, has a raging crush on me, and she drunkenly tried to make out with me last weekend. I'm two months older than her daughter. FML

#20090653
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19225) - you deserved it (1381)

On 09/27/2012 at 4:19am - misc - by Creeped - United States

Today, my mother told me that my dead grandmother speaks to her. How? When she's thinking of her while brushing her teeth, her electric toothbrush will suddenly stop buzzing and this tells her her mother is communicating with her. FML

#20127529
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16701) - you deserved it (1377)

On 10/21/2012 at 10:52pm - misc - by smdh - United States

Today, I was racing my friends to the car for shotgun in the parking lot at night. I opened the passenger door of the car to find an old lady staring at me. It was the wrong car. FML

#20427324
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12949) - you deserved it (31376)

On 12/28/2012 at 3:14am - misc - by Anon - United States (Connecticut)



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