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Today, half of my motivation to stop drinking is so that my tolerance will go down, because I currently can't actually afford enough alcohol to get even tipsy anymore. FML

#21319263
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28150) - you deserved it (12095)

On 12/17/2014 at 5:41pm - health - by Recovering Alcoholic - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML

#21270609
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39187) - you deserved it (3061)

On 10/04/2014 at 10:58am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML

#21242846
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45542) - you deserved it (2976)

On 08/22/2014 at 12:09am - misc - by up to no-good... - United States (New Mexico)

Today, while on the bus, a friendly-looking guy smiled at me, so I smiled back. He then pointed at my teeth and said, "You gonna get those fixed, or just keep them as a conversation starter?" FML

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

#21306857
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36442) - you deserved it (3570)

On 11/27/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, a customer yelled at me because I gave her a wrinkled bag. I work in retail, and the bags are all cheap plastic. She wouldn't stop, even when I gave her 3 different bags. FML

#21292131
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33151) - you deserved it (2585)

On 11/04/2014 at 5:57pm - work - by kismet_fire (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend bought a new toaster. It not only pops up the bread when done, it also beeps loudly. It makes me scream in terror every single time. My boyfriend has now vowed to "Toast 'til the end of time." It's going to be a long year. FML

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16892) - you deserved it (38017)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML

#21443043
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24280) - you deserved it (2473)

On 07/17/2015 at 1:50pm - misc - by is cum a fruit or a vegetable? (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my wife started a 24 hour urine collection as directed by the doctor for her pregnancy. She has to collect the urine in a gallon jug, and refrigerate it. At lunch time, I went to go get the rest of my sandwich but was unable to find it, until she suggested I "look under the piss jug." FML

Today, my boss finally did something nice for me and bought me a coffee. By mistake I poured salt in it. To not be ungrateful, I drank it all in front of her. FML

Today, all day, in a huge blizzard, I've been stuck with a very nice, but very ugly, toothless and rather large and somewhat smelly woman, who has been continuously saying, "It feels like we're dating. Doesn't it feel like we're dating?" Ugh. No, no it doesn't. And please don't kill me. FML

#21344628
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26158) - you deserved it (2782)

On 01/26/2015 at 5:19pm - misc - by Yellow an (man) - United States

Today, my mom called me into the living room to say that she had something important to tell me. She then explained how she and my dad had "talked things over" and wanted me to know that they accept me and love me no matter what. Apparently my mom thinks I'm lesbian. I'm not. FML

#21331516
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32396) - you deserved it (3041)

On 01/05/2015 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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