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Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

by Noname / 01/09/2009 at 12:18am / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

by theamericandream / 01/25/2009 at 8:07am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

by MichiganExile / 01/31/2009 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

by disgusting / 02/04/2009 at 11:51am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

by Noname / 02/07/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

by stpry of my life / 02/27/2009 at 5:58pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend of two years, who is a fabulous guitarist and singer, told me he wrote me a song. I was so excited. Turns out it was a break up song. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2009 at 5:47pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, my mother came up to me at swim meet and shouted to me in the bleachers "If you have to go potty, go now because there is a long line!". I'm seventeen. FML

by embarassed / 05/25/2009 at 12:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

by T-Shain / 05/31/2009 at 1:45am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, this guy took me to Denny's on a first date and used a 2 for 1 coupon. It was expired. I paid. FML

by Nator / 02/09/2009 at 10:31am / United States (District of Columbia) / Love

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

by Chubsley / 02/21/2009 at 2:44am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I told my boyfriend "we need to talk". He said "i know". So we met after school, and he said he was ok with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML

by knee2tak / 03/14/2009 at 5:46am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML

by laxguy23 / 04/21/2009 at 11:11am / United States (Virginia) / Work