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Today, a dog bit me on the bus. Instead of apologising, its owner said it was my fault because my hands "must smell of meat". I'm a vegetarian. FML

by alaillama / 06/30/2015 at 6:19pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML

by padthaimeanoose / 07/18/2015 at 11:29pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my parents secretly throw away any food I cook for them, because they think I might try to poison them. FML

by Rusty / 07/03/2015 at 3:02pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML

by brichard22 / 07/12/2015 at 10:25am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2015 at 3:39pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

by father-in-nope / 07/21/2015 at 11:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

by whydoihavecats / 08/04/2015 at 3:19pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with "Hah, just kidding. You're fuckin' BORING!" FML

by ThroatSlasher / 08/17/2015 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire) / Love

Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML

by SteamLass765 / 08/13/2015 at 5:58am / Work

Today, my boss found me on a dating app. He found it perfectly acceptable to message me and didn't understand why I wasn't comfortable with it. He now wants to have a meeting with me about inappropriate behavior outside of work. FML

by ihatemyjob / 09/02/2015 at 11:37pm / United States (Mississippi) / Work

Today, my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. I said thank you but informed him that my birthday is tomorrow. He told me that I was wrong and screamed at me for 20 minutes. When I still wouldn't agree with him, he hung up and turned my phone service off. FML

by InterestingMuch / 08/18/2015 at 10:48am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

by Shelling Ford / 08/25/2015 at 7:55am / Germany (Bayern) / Love

Today, I finally finished restoring a car after working on it for 6 months, so I took it out for a drive. On the way back, I stopped at a red light, but the drunk driver behind me didn't. FML