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Today, we found out that the beloved "Uncle Jimmy" from my early childhood was really the man my mother was cheating on my dad with. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2012 at 3:53pm / New Zealand (Gisborne) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

by Igor / 12/19/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML

by Iknoweverything / 12/22/2012 at 3:06am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML

by crippled shopper / 01/27/2013 at 12:23am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2013 at 9:12pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, in my architecture class, my professor's lecture consisted of a list of movies and books which feature characters who are architects. I couldn't leave because I needed the attendance points, and it lasted 45 minutes. I paid out of state tuition for this. FML

by seriously wtf / 03/07/2013 at 10:18pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, thinking I was alone at work, I did an impression of Goldar from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I turned around to find out I wasn't alone; a cute girl was staring at me, unimpressed. FML

by Goldar / 04/09/2013 at 10:44pm / United States / Work

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

by Jes_jes18 / 05/02/2013 at 2:27pm / United States / Love

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

by jessinono / 05/17/2013 at 12:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while on my way to an important interview, I was stopped and ticketed for speeding. The ticket made me 20 minutes late, but when I showed up, I was told they forgot to call and let me know that the woman I was supposed to meet with called in sick this morning. FML

by psuedodragon / 05/21/2013 at 1:20pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

by myfavoritesgouda / 06/24/2013 at 1:20am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

by ToiletTroubles / 07/03/2013 at 12:19pm / United Kingdom / Health