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Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML

#20920631
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42381) - you deserved it (4767)

On 10/14/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by zzfreakshow (man) - United States (California)

Today, the package I've waited for months for finally arrived. It turned out it wasn't for me, but for my sister, who bought the same thing only 2 weeks ago. When I called, the company told me they received my payment, but that there were no more of the item in stock. FML

#20946407
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43437) - you deserved it (2687)

On 11/05/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by GDubeau24 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML

#21000904
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39111) - you deserved it (3431)

On 12/22/2013 at 12:37am - misc - by Isitreallythatbad, (woman) - United States

Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

#21063588
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37459) - you deserved it (3206)

On 02/17/2014 at 5:41pm - work - by kdubz23 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML

#21073274
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39928) - you deserved it (5865)

On 02/27/2014 at 3:58pm - animals - by ricard0 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

#21087087
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42036) - you deserved it (4883)

On 03/15/2014 at 3:35am - love - by Burning Love - United States (Arizona)

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

#21086436
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35102) - you deserved it (5613)

On 03/14/2014 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my first ever live piano performance. It went all great until the end, when I stood up, slipped, and smashed face-first into the keys. I've lost half a tooth and all my dignity. FML

#21100221
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44995) - you deserved it (3637)

On 03/30/2014 at 2:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML

#21102227
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42601) - you deserved it (4697)

On 04/01/2014 at 8:02pm - love - by that kind of girl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend sent me a link to a "horrible" tattoo that he found online, that a guy had gotten at my tattoo parlor. FML

#21133162
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37754) - you deserved it (9358)

On 05/07/2014 at 10:55am - misc - by Bad Artist - United States

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

#21139841
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39015) - you deserved it (4594)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug (man) - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of my boyfriend finally giving me an orgasm, I had an anxiety attack, which caused him to have an attack of his own. I guess there is such a thing as having too much in common with your partner. FML

#21146226
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54822) - you deserved it (7220)

On 05/20/2014 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore

Today, my boss bitched me out for doing some random web browsing while waiting for some documents I needed to arrive, then went back to his desk and went on Facebook, thinking I couldn't see. FML

#21151371
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39474) - you deserved it (4902)

On 05/25/2014 at 4:54pm - work - by kalamar5 (man) - Norway (Ostfold)



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