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Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year old guy. FML

#21386588
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25135) - you deserved it (7728)

On 04/02/2015 at 3:58pm - misc - by Jordan (man) - Jordan (Al Balqa')

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

#21393477
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25255) - you deserved it (3572)

On 04/14/2015 at 11:08am - health - by howaboutthemcarrots - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML

#404
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31503) - you deserved it (6939)

On 11/28/2008 at 1:30am - intimacy - by clash - Sent from mobile version

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML

#523
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8612) - you deserved it (31218)

On 12/15/2008 at 10:58pm - work - by lopez - Sent from mobile version

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

#1817
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26032) - you deserved it (5875)

On 01/20/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by mainche - Sent from mobile version

Today, I'm sick. I got the flu shot for the first time ever this year and for the first time in my life, I have the flu. FML

#2279
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20232) - you deserved it (4530)

On 01/23/2009 at 3:24am - health - by cyantist - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

#4121
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31410) - you deserved it (5333)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by Lars - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

#6752
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30672) - you deserved it (29442)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:55pm - work - by kprice6 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

#6894
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7249) - you deserved it (37042)

On 02/03/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by parishiltonsbff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

#107589
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71537) - you deserved it (3109)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by scotto (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML

#190335
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43369) - you deserved it (6894)

On 03/02/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by nerd (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was babysitting this one year old. She just learned how to say yes so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty... she looked at me and said "NO." FML

#171559
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61729) - you deserved it (13492)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:29pm - kids - by hi (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well performed dive of the diving board, I go up and attempt my best dive. I slip just as I jump and hit my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

#464329
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22761) - you deserved it (51286)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:47am - love - by Fish (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)



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