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Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

#5972663
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26696) - you deserved it (6814)

On 10/24/2009 at 10:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was out and was having a wonderful time. At exactly midnight, I get a call from my father. He's divorcing my mother. He's also going to Florida with his mistress for the weekend. If that wasn't the best news ever, he'd love if I found an apartment to live in ASAP. FML

#5862276
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27900) - you deserved it (1699)

On 10/17/2009 at 3:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

#6411627
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7756) - you deserved it (23726)

On 11/22/2009 at 8:35pm - intimacy - by Sam (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got stopped at the bank by security for carrying a weapon and threatened to call the police. I had to prove my “metal stick” was not a weapon. I am partially paralyzed in one of my feet and have to walk with a cane. FML

#6136055
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33188) - you deserved it (1762)

On 11/03/2009 at 2:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

#6180431
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30078) - you deserved it (8570)

On 11/06/2009 at 9:31am - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Kobenhavn)

Today, while looking through a stack of possible pictures for Facebook, I found one I really liked, until I noticed that I have recently developed a bald patch. Problem? I am a 22 year old woman. FML

#6408288
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27561) - you deserved it (2611)

On 11/22/2009 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

#6241973
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27033) - you deserved it (4017)

On 11/10/2009 at 11:25am - misc - by ClosetMishap (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

#6604367
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19452) - you deserved it (1856)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML

#6246770
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6096) - you deserved it (33903)

On 11/10/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by Abby (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML

#6374426
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23957) - you deserved it (1902)

On 11/19/2009 at 8:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML

#6224810
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26508) - you deserved it (3226)

On 11/09/2009 at 4:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

#6651992
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23241) - you deserved it (5137)

On 12/07/2009 at 5:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was riding my bike back to my house. Suddenly I was hit by something in the head. I looked down to see a lemon on the ground and looked up to see a guy yelling at me in a car that was passing. He was yelling at me because I got in the way of the house he was throwing it at. FML

#6525806
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24919) - you deserved it (2769)

On 11/30/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Lemonhead (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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