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Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

#5203249
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11816) - you deserved it (45043)

On 09/12/2009 at 8:00am - love - by TrainedBF (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

#5227356
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42297) - you deserved it (3387)

On 09/13/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Casden (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I stretched really hard when I woke up, only to feel something twang. This was followed by a really sharp pain. Thinking I'd given myself a hernia, I got up to check myself in the mirror, and was repulsed by the bulge I saw hanging out of my gut. Then I realised it was just my own flab. FML

#4903195
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10333) - you deserved it (39167)

On 08/29/2009 at 10:15am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I tried to wake my husband up in the middle of the night by kissing him deeply and massaging his neck and shoulders. He opens his eyes, looks at me, says "No", and goes back to sleep. FML

#5306041
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20721) - you deserved it (14314)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by turnoff (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through the years. As I was organizing the photos of my childhood, I noticed how many my mom was holding me and hugging me in. When she came home from work I jokingly asked, "When did you start hating me?" She replied, "When you were 4". FML

#4460221
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44428) - you deserved it (5806)

On 08/11/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. Later on, his mom pulls me aside and tells me to back off, saying he will never marry someone like me and he should be with a nice girl like his ex. They broke up after he found her in his bed with his roomate. FML

#6369403
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37809) - you deserved it (2071)

On 11/19/2009 at 3:09pm - love - by thenewone (woman) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I left my cell phone on the hotel counter. FML

#5903706
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14093) - you deserved it (35130)

On 10/19/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by LAXsucks (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

#6342869
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36496) - you deserved it (12632)

On 11/17/2009 at 4:19pm - money - by fmfl (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss' wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men". I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML

#6335196
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34084) - you deserved it (1983)

On 11/16/2009 at 11:05pm - misc - by bad_day_in_hell - United States (Montana)

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

#6532125
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31044) - you deserved it (2811)

On 11/30/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by NeedHeadPhone (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was doing homework in my room when my roommate started meowing all of a sudden. Not only was he meowing, he started to make loud cat noises that resembled a cat being run over by a car. He's gonna be my roommate for the rest of the year. FML

#6646444
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30234) - you deserved it (3197)

On 12/07/2009 at 3:54am - animals - by SeeMeInTheDark (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

#6926304
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26016) - you deserved it (6982)

On 12/24/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML

#6505473
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31538) - you deserved it (7521)

On 11/29/2009 at 12:16am - love - by random123 - United States (Pennsylvania)



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