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Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets and lost my job. FML

#6245965
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29733) - you deserved it (3516)

On 11/10/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML

#6313806
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26195) - you deserved it (4947)

On 11/15/2009 at 3:04pm - money - by notip (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at the old folk's home where I work as a housekeeper, a resident was holding herself on the way to the bathroom. I hoped she wouldn't leave a mess. She made it just fine. I was then informed that she had left a crap trail from the couch, more than 20ft away. FML

#6351075
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23318) - you deserved it (2293)

On 11/18/2009 at 1:17am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I tried to convince my boyfriend to come over, telling him it would be "worth his time." He asked, "How?" I said, "Dazzling conversation of course. Just kidding, you'll probably get laid." He replied, "Oh. Well I would if it was for the conversation." FML

#6441814
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17712) - you deserved it (6302)

On 11/25/2009 at 2:23am - intimacy - by sexyconvo (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I met my boyfriends mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp comes up from my throat. And not only that. A small chunk of mucus flies out and lands on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML

#7063669
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24232) - you deserved it (5026)

On 12/31/2009 at 7:06pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML

#6582615
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23930) - you deserved it (6463)

On 12/03/2009 at 11:08am - misc - by urinanalysis (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I chose to date him. After going on for five minutes about how unique and funny he is, I ask him the same question. His reply? "You were the first person to ask me out." He then rolled over and fell asleep. FML

#6648301
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24424) - you deserved it (3416)

On 12/07/2009 at 9:43am - misc - by Fluory (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML

#6850424
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25342) - you deserved it (6915)

On 12/20/2009 at 5:40pm - health - by Suicidal (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I waited anxiously until midnight to open Christmas presents. As the clock struck midnight, I ran out into the living room, super excited to open my presents, only to discover that everyone in my house had already opened their presents and gone to bed. FML

#6931978
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23152) - you deserved it (4710)

On 12/25/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by iFail (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, from my girlfriend of five years, I got my clothes back, my engagment ring and a card that says, "Merry Christmas! It's me not you." FML

#6940899
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29816) - you deserved it (2193)

On 12/25/2009 at 3:27pm - love - by C45 (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

#6774546
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9693) - you deserved it (23005)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by babyfatt - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML

#7150091
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6413) - you deserved it (17700)

On 01/04/2010 at 7:29pm - misc - by B-ran - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that I was being laid off via an email that wasn't even spell checked. FML

#7465269
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24474) - you deserved it (1879)

On 01/20/2010 at 10:31pm - work - by TheoBuckner (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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