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Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML

#21353037
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30811) - you deserved it (2389)

On 02/09/2015 at 10:15pm - work - by EMTGirl'sLife - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after seven people at work approaching me and asking me if I was 'that lad from the paper', I picked one up to see what they were talking about. Turns out my doppelganger is a man who brutally murdered his older brother last year. FML

#21367159
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31988) - you deserved it (1882)

On 03/03/2015 at 9:01am - misc - by definatelynotamurderer (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

#21370791
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26936) - you deserved it (2137)

On 03/08/2015 at 10:36pm - misc - by NoHamForMeThanks - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while walking my dog, we came across two men having a heated argument in the street. My dog decided the perfect place to poop was right next to them. He wouldn't budge no matter what. Meanwhile, one of the men pulled a knife, and I practically shat myself. FML

#21374140
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29555) - you deserved it (2435)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML

#21380370
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25186) - you deserved it (13154)

On 03/23/2015 at 9:04pm - misc - by Li - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, as I was taking my three year old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

#142
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61013) - you deserved it (3590)

On 10/29/2008 at 7:57am - kids - by LifeSucks - Canada (Quebec)

Today, it's my birthday. It's 6.30 pm. I'm still the only person aware of what day it is. FML

#543
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29429) - you deserved it (2122)

On 12/18/2008 at 6:46am - misc - by poorgary - Sent from mobile version

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

#887
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20485) - you deserved it (2305)

On 01/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML

#1585
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18915) - you deserved it (36787)

On 01/18/2009 at 11:30am - intimacy - by f__k_it - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

#2899
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33168) - you deserved it (9700)

On 01/27/2009 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by ottawaaa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

#4148
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27135) - you deserved it (5121)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:19pm - love - by MichiganExile - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

#15968
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49472) - you deserved it (3201)

On 02/08/2009 at 9:14pm - intimacy - by ADT (man) - United States (California)

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

#4642
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34682) - you deserved it (5399)

On 02/01/2009 at 10:48am - intimacy - by nicknack22 - United States (Michigan)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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