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Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

by L_lives / 05/30/2015 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Love

Today, after my boss has gotten in the habit of calling me "bubble wrap girl" at work because I'm clumsy and he claims I need to be covered in bubble wrap for my own protection, I have just probably broken two toes by dropping a hairdryer on my foot. I will never hear the end of this. FML

by Bubbles_the_klut / 07/06/2015 at 11:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend standing at the end of the bed staring at a large wet spot. Boy do I know how to pick 'em! FML

by annoyedgf / 07/11/2015 at 8:44am / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend told me that once you love somebody you can never truly fall "out of love" with them. She wasn't talking about me, she was talking about her ex. FML

by worriedman / 07/03/2015 at 11:52am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my satan-spawn of a step-son proudly showed that he can pee accurately while standing up. I'd be less livid if he hadn't pissed on me while I was asleep in bed. FML

by Wlanla / 08/02/2015 at 7:39am / Romania (Bacau) / Kids

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

by imma ture / 08/10/2015 at 1:04pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2015 at 4:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got in trouble for punching my sister. Apparently, it still counts if it's in Minecraft and she looked like she was going to steal my stuff. FML

by RobotUnicorn1209 / 08/14/2015 at 3:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my boyfriend's other girlfriend. She then informed me that he has a wife, and that they have an open relationship. Thanks for keeping me in the loop, honey. FML

by areyoukiddingme / 10/01/2015 at 1:56am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, one of my coworkers tried to convince me to be a model for his "foot fetish parties". I politely declined, just as I had the day before, and the day before that. This will probably continue every day, since our schedules are nearly identical. FML

by kindasortayeah / 10/04/2015 at 9:26pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I've been calling my girlfriend by her nickname for so long, I had to reactivate my Facebook account to find her real name. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2015 at 9:56am / India (Tamil Nadu) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML

by StillnothowIimaginedmydaygoing / 10/14/2015 at 12:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML

by WakeUpToADream / 09/25/2015 at 4:43pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous