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Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

#20438667
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38302) - you deserved it (3418)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:59pm - love - by great. -

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

#20484025
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8990) - you deserved it (44473)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML

#20501884
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38610) - you deserved it (3250)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML

#20495369
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37495) - you deserved it (2498)

On 02/06/2013 at 3:04am - love - by MyLife (woman) -

Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML

#20506625
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31203) - you deserved it (3607)

On 02/14/2013 at 3:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany

Today, I uploaded a new Facebook profile photo, which got over 20 likes in the space of an hour. The most I've ever gotten before was 10. Surprised, I went to check my picture again, only to notice two guys were sarcastically flipping me the bird in the background. FML

#20514955
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30017) - you deserved it (8105)

On 02/20/2013 at 2:48pm - misc - by club goer - Canada

Today, my grandson visited me, and asked if I had any pictures of myself from when I was a little girl. I happily looked for a few photos to give him, asking what had piqued his curiosity. He replied that he wanted some for a presentation he's doing on the Middle Ages. FML

#20555821
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35757) - you deserved it (2981) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/22/2013 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Lorraine)

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

#20558472
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37534) - you deserved it (9343)

On 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm - love - by fuckyoutoo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML

#20575140
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43295) - you deserved it (3854)

On 04/04/2013 at 7:55pm - kids - by icanthearyou (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

#20586109
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48008) - you deserved it (6780)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:24am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML

Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

#20631829
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35852) - you deserved it (7520)

On 04/29/2013 at 11:32pm - misc - by stupidquestionsstupidpeople - United States (Illinois)

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

#20646861
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61016) - you deserved it (6932)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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