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Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML

by MoxyR12 / 06/24/2009 at 11:33am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I had a softball tournament which also landed on my birthday. My dad had to leave town for work, so he left me a card on my night stand. Instead of a happy birthday, all it said was 'Don't mess up the game for everyone'. FML

by msj137 / 07/17/2009 at 3:25am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was meeting the mayor of a major city as part of an internship program. Seated directly in front of him during his presentation on the budget crisis, he unleashed an enormous, foul fart in front of the entire audience. And then blamed it on me, everyone believed him. FML

by justdoingmyjob / 07/18/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

by blackntangirl / 07/18/2009 at 7:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost my key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later, I found my key. In my pocket. FML

by Anonymous / 07/21/2009 at 1:16pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a job interview with an environmentalist organization. I got the job, my FIRST job, a great first job doing something I am passionate about. An hour after the interview was over, they called me back and asked if I was 18. I'm 17, and unemployed again. FML

by taylrrina / 07/22/2009 at 4:32am / United States (Washington) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I drove six hours with a friend to see one of her favorite bands in concert. We were turned away at the door because the online site didn't say we had to be 21 to enter. I drove six hours back with nothing to show for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2009 at 5:38am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I came out to find the car stolen. I called the cops, and the responding officer took the info and drove me home to give the roomie the bad news in person. 15 minutes later, they found the car. I'd parked it on the opposite side of the lot. FML

by SenescentSouthernBoy / 08/17/2009 at 4:42am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I threw a party while my parents were gone. I forgot that our alarm automatically turns on at 11 pm, so when people opened the door, it went off. I couldn't find the number for the alarm company, so the cops showed up. Everyone started cheering because they thought they were strippers. FML

by Life of the party / 08/19/2009 at 1:13am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2009 at 10:43pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my boss fired me because a coworker had seen me reading magazines on the job. That same coworker was the one who offered me the magazine. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2009 at 4:48pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Work

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

by Wronged / 09/21/2009 at 6:53am / Singapore / Love

Today, I drove my husband's car to the mall because my car was in the shop. The bumper was being repaired because I got rear ended while stopped at a traffic light. While stopped at the same intersection I got rear ended again. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2009 at 11:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation