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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was cutting a little boy's hair at the hairdressers where I work. While cutting his bangs, I noticed his forehead was surprisingly warm. When I asked him if he felt OK, he threw up all over my gown. I think he had some broccoli today. FML

#15830049
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36352) - you deserved it (2882)

On 04/18/2011 at 12:46am - kids - by stickyhair (woman) - United States

Today, I went speed dating. I arrived at my first date and she looked me up and down and said, "Oh, that's awkward." FML

#16473954
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30652) - you deserved it (3603)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:01pm - love - by nikto (man) -

Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I'm a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML

#17545368
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21837) - you deserved it (2992)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:44am - misc - by No Action Fighter - United States (California)

Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML

#19787882
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19866) - you deserved it (2278)

On 06/14/2012 at 4:40pm - misc - by eeeee (woman) - United States

Today, my family took me to a steak house. I went for an eight minute bathroom break, coming back to an empty table. They ordered dessert, and left me the bill. I'm a vegetarian, and it's my birthday. FML

#18446136
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33000) - you deserved it (4182)

On 12/06/2011 at 5:20pm - misc - by Weirdo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to ring up our local competitors to get prices for paint. I pretended I'd just bought a house and was doing it up, and I actually got excited about doing up a make-believe house. FML

#19562532
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16591) - you deserved it (4151)

On 05/02/2012 at 7:18am - work - by tillyg15 - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I got really bored at work. I decided to spin myself around and around in my chair until I got really dizzy. Apparently my boss decided to start watching me do this while I was in mid-spin. FML

#19775429
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5773) - you deserved it (25737)

On 06/12/2012 at 6:43am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

#20120590
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23268) - you deserved it (3924) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/17/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous - France (Bretagne)

Today, I decided to help my parents out by tearing down the old, rusty swing set that's been in our backyard for years. Little did I know that there was a beehive hidden in the long grass, and I now have dozens of painful red bumps all over me. FML

#20080686
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16296) - you deserved it (1767)

On 09/20/2012 at 12:50pm - misc - by kirassi919 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

#20137874
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18487) - you deserved it (3599)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

#20163308
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20567) - you deserved it (2995)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while picking up a birthday cake, I was screamed at by an upset woman for getting special attention from the bakers, and that I was nothing more than an attention-hogging slut. The bakers are my co-workers and I was picking my cake up on my day off. FML

#20201761
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23817) - you deserved it (1586)

On 12/12/2012 at 10:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML

#20417111
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28629) - you deserved it (4162)

On 12/23/2012 at 8:03pm - animals - by Christmas sucks - United States (Massachusetts)



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