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Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

#6030769
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20780) - you deserved it (3518)

On 10/27/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by timmynotjimmy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while filling out some medical forms, I was asked for an emergency contact. I realized I didn't have anyone who would actually care enough to be my contact. FML

#6009971
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32847) - you deserved it (2902)

On 10/26/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by meagainsttheworld (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was walking home from my acting gig at a haunted hayride. Even after spending lots of time washing the fake blood off my hands and face, I looked like I'd murdered someone. Perhaps that's why an officer stopped me and questioned me about a stabbing that happened earlier tonight. FML

#5891401
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35939) - you deserved it (3889)

On 10/19/2009 at 2:08am - work - by worldsbestjobgonebad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I received a three-time forwarded message which I thought would turn out to be a random chain message. Turns out my boyfriend didn't want to send me the "break-up text" himself and figured it would get to me eventually after sending it to all my best friends. FML

#5984352
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34253) - you deserved it (2260)

On 10/25/2009 at 12:36am - love - by Kalaina - Sent from mobile version

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

#6602015
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34687) - you deserved it (13694)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by lamed (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

#6315427
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10536) - you deserved it (35201)

On 11/15/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML

#6212555
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27400) - you deserved it (14662)

On 11/08/2009 at 2:14pm - health - by Poopyhead (woman) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

#6131702
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9200) - you deserved it (24168)

On 11/03/2009 at 4:25am - intimacy - by Lovestupid (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I started talking to a friend about how he needs to stop overreacting and getting angry very easily. He kicked sand up in the air, and it came back into his eyes. He started getting angry, and when I told him this is what I was talking about, he hit me in the nose. FML

#6268731
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28941) - you deserved it (7132)

On 11/12/2009 at 1:58am - misc - by angrymadman3542342 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at the costume rental shop I work at, when I saw a kid trying to walk out the door wearing what appeared to be one of our fake monster claws, so I chased him down and grabbed it. It wasn't. It was his prosthetic hand. FML

#6634050
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15191) - you deserved it (33622)

On 12/06/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by lolfayce (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after pulling an all-nighter for my Bio final at 8AM and drinking 6 sodas, 3 energy drinks, and coffee throughout the night, an hour into the exam, I had to go to the restroom, so I get permission and go. I'm 1 of 3 people. They later find a cheat sheet in the restroom. Now I'm a suspect. FML

#6716496
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28746) - you deserved it (3890)

On 12/12/2009 at 12:00am - misc - by fuckbio (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML

#7176423
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26389) - you deserved it (7079)

On 01/06/2010 at 2:25am - misc - by Nox (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML

#6812305
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31581) - you deserved it (2171)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:46pm - health - by ThatAintLogical (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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