Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, my dad is obsessed with making sure that I am not in any way 'bare' in front of the windows of our house. Which is surrounded by tall trees, five metres worth of tall trees. I'm not sure whether to be creeped out that someone might see me or that my dad is unhealthily obsessed about this. FML

Today, I was written up. Too many customers complained that I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I got written up for being ugly. FML

by LoadingMeows / 09/22/2016 at 9:17pm / United States / Work

Today, I had a 10-hour shift that started at 5 a.m. We can't leave until relief comes and we don't get paid for overtime if our relief is late. The good news is my relief came early. The bad news is he went on a smoke break and never came back. They want me to stay until we close and I'm the only cashier. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2016 at 10:47am / Work

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

by / 11/12/2008 at 10:01pm / Health

Today, I was jerking one off and my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes... that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

by stanDman / 01/19/2009 at 1:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded. FML

by silkytaco / 02/17/2009 at 12:11pm / United States (Hawaii) / Geek

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2009 at 10:57pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I received a letter in the mail from my Grandma about how much she adores and loves me. Then it went into detail about how much prettier, smarter, and successful I am than my sister, Leah. I am Leah. She mixed up the letters to the wrong envelopes. FML

by leah12 / 03/18/2009 at 5:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, a co-worker and I walked out of our office at the same time. He got in his car, which was parked right out front. I asked him what I had to do to get a sweet parking spot like that. He rolled up his pant leg and show me his prosthesis. He was in the handicapped spot. FML

by Prometheus / 03/24/2009 at 5:08pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I rode my bike to the store because I only had a few things to pick up. When I walked back out after five minutes, my bike was stolen. I had gone to the store to buy a new bike lock. FML

by getyourownbike / 05/12/2009 at 7:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2009 at 8:59pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, my boyfriend said that being with me was his payment for past sins. FML

by sadgf / 02/25/2009 at 4:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

by Noname / 02/21/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy