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Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

#21249322
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36290) - you deserved it (2689)

On 08/31/2014 at 10:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML

#21221083
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44461) - you deserved it (4384)

On 07/26/2014 at 11:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke things off, because he says I have a "horrible, horrible personality" and that I'm only really fuck-buddy material, which is a problem because he wants something long-term. We've been dating for three years. FML

#21261219
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32799) - you deserved it (3155)

On 09/19/2014 at 12:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

#21246633
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36991) - you deserved it (3254)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by nayahbear24 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

#21249110
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37540) - you deserved it (4672)

On 08/31/2014 at 3:27pm - kids - by TheFatOne - United States

Today, what I thought was going to be a lunch date turned into a life insurance sales pitch. FML

#21263186
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30629) - you deserved it (2747)

On 09/22/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by WhiteCaribbean (man) - Saint Lucia (Castries)

Today, I was watching "My Strange Addiction". The woman featured ate rocks. While judging her weird habit, I realised I was chewing on a coat-hanger the whole time. FML

#21256247
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31666) - you deserved it (11700)

On 09/11/2014 at 10:57am - misc - by ayeayeboy19 - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML

#21251987
60 comments

Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML

#21213089
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35182) - you deserved it (2917)

On 07/18/2014 at 4:04pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Cura?ao

Today, I posted an ad online for house cleaning services. So far, all fifteen responses have been solicitations for sex. FML

#21229459
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34240) - you deserved it (3896)

On 08/04/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by notthenaughtymaid (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

#21244302
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37722) - you deserved it (5013)

On 08/24/2014 at 8:40am - animals - by abusedparrot - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML

#21228738
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37142) - you deserved it (4887)

On 08/03/2014 at 8:19pm - money - by lovethyneighbour - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

#21232887
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34976) - you deserved it (3746)

On 08/08/2014 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)



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