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Today, I got a text saying I was "banned" from a volunteer group by the vice chair. Why? Because him dumping me the night before and leaving me in the bar alone drunk and crying wasn't enough for him, apparently. FML

by bluestripedsockm / 05/15/2015 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

by sexandanxiety / 04/29/2015 at 8:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2015 at 2:50pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I decided to get in shape for swimsuit season, so I went to the gym. I tried to lift a barbell up and over my head, which was fine, until I dropped it. Exercise earned me a concussion and a neck brace. FML

by crossfitter / 05/21/2015 at 8:22am / Health

Today, I was called a selfish brat for asking for a pillow as my birthday present. FML

by youdontknowmewhy / 06/29/2015 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 4:49pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Love

Today, I attended my best friend's wedding. Instead of throwing her bouquet, she turned around and handed it to me. I was the only single lady out of 150 guests. FML

by hairstylistprobs / 06/22/2015 at 11:13pm / United States / Love

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

by bummed out step monster / 06/24/2015 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my 5-year-old won't stop princess-waving at people. This would be fine, but she looks exactly like she is giving the Nazi salute. I got dirty looks from nearly everyone at the supermarket. FML

by momoftheyearedition / 07/08/2015 at 11:13pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML

by zaynemaliksvagina / 06/24/2015 at 1:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boyfriend to go to the airport with me, to see me off for my three-month stay abroad. He said no because the two-hour drive is "too boring". FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2015 at 7:58am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

by hook me up with some smack, Jack / 08/01/2015 at 2:18am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for smiling and laughing too much. Last week, he reprimanded me for not smiling and laughing enough. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2015 at 10:25pm / United States (Florida) / Work