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Today, while at work, I went to unlock the washroom for a customer. Normally we don't allow customers to use the staff washrooms, so I was as surprised as the guy I found sitting on the toilet when I opened the door. FML

#21098949
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32805) - you deserved it (3712)

On 03/28/2014 at 11:02pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML

#21133488
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32446) - you deserved it (5055)

On 05/07/2014 at 7:06pm - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

#21130777
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39792) - you deserved it (5402)

On 05/04/2014 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boss sent me some application forms to check over. After I spell-checked them and returned them, I found out they're going to be used to hire someone to replace me. FML

#21190114
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43581) - you deserved it (3826)

On 06/27/2014 at 6:57am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, at my grandparent's funeral, we were waiting for the pastor. He was fashionably late because he couldn't find his sunglasses and had gone to buy new ones. FML

#21194487
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39156) - you deserved it (2935)

On 06/30/2014 at 11:59pm - misc - by too cool (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6772) - you deserved it (691)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it has been a year and a half since my boyfriend discovered online poker. Annoyed to see him spending every evening playing on his laptop, I threatened him: “Now honey, you have to choose. It’s your poker or me!” Answer: “You are bluffing!” FML

#34
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48224) - you deserved it (11431)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:54pm - love - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

#645
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19065) - you deserved it (3165)

On 12/31/2008 at 9:53pm - misc - by blck - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5am, and the party was over. FML

#721
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7049) - you deserved it (28855)

On 01/06/2009 at 10:58pm - misc - by takeiteasy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

#1741
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21357) - you deserved it (1884)

On 01/19/2009 at 11:49am - misc - by vixenscars - United States (California)

Today, I was watching TV and realised I am attracted to Sandra Oh. FML

#1774
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7327) - you deserved it (14227)

On 01/19/2009 at 6:12pm - love - by Noname - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went downstairs to grab a snack and a glass of Silk (you know, the soymilk). When I get back to my room, I go to throw the snack on my bed to shut the door, but I tossed with the wrong hand. FML

#1926
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10249) - you deserved it (18878)

On 01/20/2009 at 4:06pm - misc - by crystalwho - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

#2823
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6984) - you deserved it (42483)

On 01/27/2009 at 11:47am - money - by dannij08 - United States (California)



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