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Today, my 2-year-old daughter started showing signs of understanding the potty training concept. She announced to my mother-in-law that she needed to go potty, only to be flatly told, "No, you don't." So she crapped herself. Now it's going to take forever to train her. FML

by Disgruntled / 03/16/2016 at 8:01am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I called to see if my bridesmaid's dress was ready. They told me it had already been picked up, the bride's mom picked up the dress and got rid of it because she doesn't want me in the wedding. FML

by buttercup92 / 03/13/2016 at 9:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a ticket for driving without insurance. I gave the cop my insurance information, but he said it was invalid because it didn't show an expiration date. When I pointed out the information he was looking for, he ignored me and gave me a ticket anyway. FML

by can you read? / 04/08/2016 at 3:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dentist pulled the wrong tooth. FML

by Fox_Undercover / 04/30/2016 at 4:33pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, due to a new tattoo, I can't wear a bra for the next few days. My coworker knows about it and thought it would be funny to blast the air-con all day. I swear I could have used my nipples to type this, instead of my fingers. FML

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, the strange cat that has adopted me inexplicably made its way into my house and curled up next to my head while I slept. I'm horribly allergic. FML

by anonymous / 06/06/2016 at 12:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML

by bshoemaker45601 / 06/08/2016 at 4:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML

by ReineXre / 06/14/2016 at 8:00pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

by / 11/12/2008 at 10:01pm / Health

Today, I was jerking one off and my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes... that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

by stanDman / 01/19/2009 at 1:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I'm sick. I got the flu shot for the first time ever this year and for the first time in my life, I have the flu. FML

by cyantist / 01/23/2009 at 3:24am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my fiancée "thought I should know" that she has a $125,000 student loan debt. FML

by Noname / 01/31/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded. FML

by silkytaco / 02/17/2009 at 12:11pm / United States (Hawaii) / Geek