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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

#21339093
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28221) - you deserved it (4802) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2015 at 4:12pm - animals - by Titatoum - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

#21341448
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30962) - you deserved it (2619)

On 01/21/2015 at 3:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, as I was taking my three year old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

#142
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59019) - you deserved it (3426)

On 10/29/2008 at 7:57am - kids - by LifeSucks - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML

#202
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55555) - you deserved it (8293)

On 11/03/2008 at 11:16pm - love - by clubber - Switzerland (Fribourg)

Today, while on holiday in England, a cute boy came up and asked where I'm from. When I said Paris, he gave a look and said, "Oh, strange, I always thought Parisians were the most beautiful women in the world." FML

#233
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48867) - you deserved it (4064)

On 11/06/2008 at 8:01am - love - by frog - United Kingdom (London)

Today, at work, I received an email telling me that viewing porn websites was prohibited and was a good enough reason to fire me. FML

#285
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7365) - you deserved it (59269)

On 11/12/2008 at 2:53am - work - by bipbip - Sent from mobile version

Today, it's my birthday. It's 6.30 pm. I'm still the only person aware of what day it is. FML

#543
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29400) - you deserved it (2117)

On 12/18/2008 at 6:46am - misc - by poorgary - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

#4148
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27058) - you deserved it (5117)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:19pm - love - by MichiganExile - United States (Michigan)

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

#4642
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32909) - you deserved it (5165)

On 02/01/2009 at 10:48am - intimacy - by nicknack22 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

#6752
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28868) - you deserved it (27912)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:55pm - work - by kprice6 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a girl I really liked mentioned she's home alone and that she was really really lonely. She offered for me to come over and watch a few movies with her, and as I got prepared to leave she sent me a text saying " can you pick up my friend Spencer? " FML

#92040
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42895) - you deserved it (2880)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:42pm - love - by batman123 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was writing a very important email to my college professor. I went upstairs for something and came back down to send it. I later asked him today why he hadn't responded to which he said "I'm flattered...but can't." My roommate had added "love you xxx" at the end of the email. FML

#315906
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54074) - you deserved it (7032)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by dntstopmenow (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my Father over top of me saying "nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burgler and he knocked me out. FML

#268069
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52298) - you deserved it (8528)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)



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