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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML

#6431764
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23271) - you deserved it (2463)

On 11/24/2009 at 1:00am - health - by blowinchunks (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was showering, a dark object in the shower kept startling me. After about the fourth time jumping, I realized it was my shadow that was scaring me. I am actually literally afraid of my own shadow. FML

#6017805
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8466) - you deserved it (25712)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

#6235277
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24577) - you deserved it (4639)

On 11/09/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Tee (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by saying "I'm changing my sheets tomorrow, so take a shower." FML

#5892198
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18321) - you deserved it (5495)

On 10/19/2009 at 3:26am - intimacy - by Shower? - Sent from mobile version

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

#6364461
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7355) - you deserved it (33740)

On 11/19/2009 at 1:10am - kids - by fail (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

#6363732
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24930) - you deserved it (2162)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML

#6274583
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26530) - you deserved it (3943)

On 11/12/2009 at 4:37pm - work - by Falafax (man) - United States

Today, I was playing ball with my student during recess. My first attempt at throwing the ball hit him in the head. My second attempt hit him in the crotch. FML

#6211004
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23715) - you deserved it (7248)

On 11/08/2009 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

#6485720
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27229) - you deserved it (7110)

On 11/27/2009 at 10:02pm - love - by lonelyguy (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, it's Saturday. While all my friends go out to have fun, I get my excitement thinking about how I'll be sleeping with a new pillow. FML

#6733477
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23546) - you deserved it (6098)

On 12/13/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by soy_un_perderdor (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML

#6773242
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26591) - you deserved it (4122)

On 12/16/2009 at 1:15am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in my furnace. This would have been fine, except he didn't wake me up until he was already in my room, where I was sleeping naked. FML

#6701307
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24599) - you deserved it (4009)

On 12/10/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my roommate came in slamming the front door. I guess he doesn't know that you can't throw hot water on frozen windows. He came up all pissed and called his insurance because he cracked the windshield. We have the same car, in the same exact color. Turns out he threw the water on mine. FML

#6705555
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30892) - you deserved it (2609)

On 12/11/2009 at 3:32am - misc - by Sous_Chef (man) - United States (Oregon)



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