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Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

#18085773
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28533) - you deserved it (3651)

On 10/27/2011 at 12:00am - misc - by apparentlyunsexy - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to city hall to pay for a parking ticket. After returning to my truck, I found a parking ticket on my window. FML

#19935840
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8897) - you deserved it (23484)

On 07/14/2012 at 2:55am - money - by journeytotheend - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML

#20037445
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21884) - you deserved it (1631)

On 08/23/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to sing at karaoke. I sang a romantic love ballad to him. He dedicated Rick James' "Super Freak" to me. FML

#20091434
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17705) - you deserved it (4920)

On 09/27/2012 at 8:19pm - misc - by MB101 (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the store with my grandpa. When we were rung up, he started to pay for our myriad groceries in coins, and the guy behind us groaned. My grandpa said, "shut your mouth," and started ranting about how stupid people are to leave paper trails for "government spooks." FML

#20006151
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19170) - you deserved it (1923)

On 08/06/2012 at 5:37pm - money - by for fucks sake gramps (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

#20186785
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8816) - you deserved it (25958)

On 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm - health - by fieldmarshalclitter (man) - United States

Today, I bought a new car, and before I left, the dealer offered to help me set up the sync. I agreed, but I really wish I'd remembered that my Bluetooth name is TitsMcGee. FML

#20139648
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6560) - you deserved it (24824)

On 10/30/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by embarassedmuch - United States

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27803) - you deserved it (2384)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

#20034633
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34407) - you deserved it (5386)

On 08/21/2012 at 9:59pm - intimacy - by m (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I asked the 7-year-old that I was babysitting if he could burp on command. He said he could, and began to demonstrate. It turns out he couldn't purposely burp, but he definitely could vomit on command. FML

#19884890
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8745) - you deserved it (25662)

On 07/03/2012 at 7:33am - kids - by ew (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received another letter of rejection from the university of my dreams. I got it the first time, but thanks for reminding me. FML

#20121056
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25892) - you deserved it (1929)

On 10/17/2012 at 2:52pm - misc - by ThreeTimesUnlucky - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was texting my mother after my boyfriend broke off our relationship. She offered incredibly supportive replies such as "No, really?" and "Aww, that sucks." before apparently getting bored and claiming she had to go because her "text reception" was breaking up. FML

#20426386
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26817) - you deserved it (4475)

On 12/27/2012 at 6:20pm - love - by youfuckingdumbassmum (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

#20446465
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23338) - you deserved it (7214)

On 01/07/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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