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Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

#6040415
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8727) - you deserved it (35828)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by Moody (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML

#5867673
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37924) - you deserved it (2511)

On 10/17/2009 at 3:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

#5953662
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30192) - you deserved it (6883)

On 10/23/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by efmylife (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

#5954994
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37319) - you deserved it (6064)

On 10/23/2009 at 2:51am - misc - by wahwah (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a new CD player for my car and an alarm installed for added security. After work, I saw my windows smashed, the CD player gone, the alarm wires cut, and a note that said, "Try again." FML

#6243414
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36232) - you deserved it (2575)

On 11/10/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was told by my mother that the reason she quit her job as a counselor and divorced my dad was because she met someone through work. She works in a prison. FML

#6441636
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32884) - you deserved it (2134)

On 11/25/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by CT (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

#6968150
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32688) - you deserved it (3957)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was preparing for a huge party I've been looking forward to for months. I did all the usual things a girl should do, put on a facemask, painted my nails, exfoliated... I was feeling confident until I peeled off the facemask. I guess when it said "vibrant" what it meant was bright red. FML

#6705319
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24509) - you deserved it (8217)

On 12/11/2009 at 2:50am - health - by ouch (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I finished moving cross-country and signed a 13 month lease to be closer to my on-again / off-again boyfriend of the past five years. I showed up at his place to borrow his truck just as his "local" girlfriend was leaving. FML

Today, I sat for 3 hours at my boyfriend's Christmas celebrations. He has 22 cousins. They open presents one at a time. In silence. I got nothing. FML

#6933166
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33357) - you deserved it (3274)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:28am - love - by Earths_Venus (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML

#7014697
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28732) - you deserved it (6595)

On 12/29/2009 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML

#6779433
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37383) - you deserved it (2570)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:43pm - work - by Andy (man) - United States (Florida)



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