Choose the period

Choose a category


Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML

by Poopyhead / 11/08/2009 at 2:14pm / Ireland (Cork) / Health

Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML

by asthma_attacker / 11/14/2009 at 1:38pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML

by mjperfetti84 / 11/22/2009 at 8:53am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired. By my father. He wants me to drive him to work tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 6:10pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, since I had no lessons until 1pm, I decided to head out to the store to run errands. Our school has a strict policy against leaving the campus during school hours. I returned to a fire drill taking place. The fire assembly point? The student parking lot. All 900 students watched me drive in. FML

by watchmaker / 12/16/2009 at 4:37am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a placement test for the new college I am going to. After the test and picking up a few numbers, I left with great pride. I opened the door and started walking out. I then realized that I had walked into the closet. FML

by Wrongdoor / 12/06/2009 at 9:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

by wheresthelove / 12/30/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2009 at 3:27pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML

by sarabalism / 12/17/2009 at 12:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 4:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 2:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

by hoplessG / 12/24/2009 at 6:37pm / United States / Love

Today, I got all dressed up for a New Year's party. When my parents and siblings left the house to their parties, I got undressed. I wasn't going to a party. I only got dressed up so my family would think I had plans. FML

by Shawna / 01/01/2010 at 8:19pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous