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Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

#21499543
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18557) - you deserved it (2162)

On 12/03/2015 at 12:33am - love - by killmenow - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

#21451832
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25051) - you deserved it (1913)

On 08/04/2015 at 4:56pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd patronized for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

#21469071
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24397) - you deserved it (4281)

On 09/16/2015 at 2:53am - misc - by BlueMacaw (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML

#21469516
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22824) - you deserved it (2272)

On 09/17/2015 at 1:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I caught my husband and the cat licking the butter together. FML

#21472345
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22728) - you deserved it (2137)

On 09/24/2015 at 7:31pm - misc - by whatdidimarry (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

#21483925
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22649) - you deserved it (3548)

On 10/24/2015 at 7:46pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

#21480731
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27434) - you deserved it (2725)

On 10/16/2015 at 11:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, after saying I'd edit and revise a coworker's report so he could go home and spend his anniversary with his wife, he sent me a file. Upon opening it, it was pictures of men wearing strange fetish gear while being dominated. He has yet to send me the correct file and I'm scared to ask. FML

#21473823
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25334) - you deserved it (1813)

On 09/28/2015 at 4:33pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, while walking home after a night of partying, I saw a thin, bald person in a suit looking at me from across the street. I got flashbacks to the Slender Man, screamed like a little bitch and ran. Then I realized I'd just humiliated myself in front of some random guy waiting for a bus. FML

#21477518
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14904) - you deserved it (17530)

On 10/08/2015 at 12:04pm - work - by shitbucketsfilledwithshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML

#21489803
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25462) - you deserved it (1965)

On 11/08/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my long time girlfriend flew across the country to visit. My asshat roommate decided to introduce himself to her while I was in the bathroom. She left and won't answer my calls. He won't tell me what he said to her. FML

Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

#21512660
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19476) - you deserved it (5022)

On 01/07/2016 at 9:08pm - misc - by AccidentalFlasher (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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