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Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

by klaatu barada nikto / 01/20/2015 at 8:23am / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2015 at 8:08pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I was walking with a female friend when suddenly, my ex-girlfriend comes running down the street and says, "So, you're cheating on me with this slut, huh?!" We've been separated for a decade now. FML

by RipeFlame / 01/13/2015 at 10:05pm / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was asked by a total stranger if I had Tourettes. This is the third time this has happened to me. FML

by Evra / 01/23/2015 at 2:39am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my brother's birthday. I was short on money but got him a present anyway. After opening it, he looked at it and said, "I didn't really want this." FML

by nsb124 / 01/28/2015 at 3:07am / United States / Money

Today, returning home from a party, I realised I'd forgotten my keys. My roommate was sleeping so soundly that after an hour of throwing gravel and ringing the doorbell, I had to give up and get a room at the hotel over the road. For €85 I had a view of my room. FML

by LadyGrey / 01/27/2015 at 6:45am / Money

Today, I saw selfies of my aunt and her friends on Facebook having a great time. They took the pictures at my mother's funeral last week. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2015 at 8:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML

by Sprinkles / 02/04/2015 at 2:44am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

by sorry :/ / 02/08/2015 at 1:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Work

Today, I tried to overcome my shyness by warmly greeting the bus driver while entering it. I instead blurted out really loudly the words of the song my iPod was playing. FML

by OzzyWannabee / 02/20/2015 at 3:12am / Miscellaneous

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

by gumchuck / 02/05/2015 at 4:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2015 at 1:35am / Love