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Today, I was practicing for a Cambodian ceremony. I'm American. My fiancée is Cambodian. While doing the practice, I had six people in my face telling me what to do, all at the same time. I got frustrated and accidentally blurted out, "This is fucking retarded." Now the whole family is mad at me. FML

by rcoale1983 / 08/14/2016 at 1:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I made quite an impression on my new bin men by forgetting to put the bin out 'til the last minute. I'm sure they enjoyed a good laugh at the woman in shorts, tank top and slippers struggling with a brolly as she slipped and slid while dragging her bin up a hill in a downpour. FML

by Impressionist / 08/25/2016 at 7:17am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, at the funeral home where I work, I asked my boss if it was time to "bring out the stiff". I didn't realize the guy's family was not only in the building, but within earshot as well. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2016 at 11:01am / Work

Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML

by Loud / 09/08/2016 at 2:07am / Australia / Work

Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML

by Randomspaghetti / 09/15/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML

by Jigll / 10/13/2008 at 4:26am / Health

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

by loon / 10/28/2008 at 7:13am / Intimacy

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

by little tooth / 11/06/2008 at 8:39am / Health

Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML

by lectro / 11/23/2008 at 3:22am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

by lip / 12/24/2008 at 3:40am / Intimacy

Today, I realized that I hate lying to my mom about having a boyfriend. FML

by indian:( / 01/18/2009 at 4:57pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I thought it'd be cool and trendy to buy a Blackberry Storm. FML

by fecurtis / 01/22/2009 at 9:38am / United States (Virginia) / Geek

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

by cockblockingbitch / 01/25/2009 at 12:54am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy