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Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

#93676
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82358) - you deserved it (7503)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML

#142749
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16311) - you deserved it (90152)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

#267715
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75790) - you deserved it (3386)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:21am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was going to a concert. I left my wallet at home because I was afraid it would get stolen, or lost or something. After an awesome night, I came back home to find that my house had been broken into, and every dollar that was in my wallet got stolen. FML

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

#1223520
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10572) - you deserved it (66995)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:24pm - misc - by derranged - China (Tianjin)

Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML

#3757766
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14461) - you deserved it (34001)

On 07/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by dani911 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was trying to clean the belt of my register at work at a grocery store. I noticed two strips of rubber stuck in the corner of the belt, and after pulling on them periodically all morning one finally came loose. It was a foot. I had been pulling at a dead rat trapped in the belt. FML

#3675667
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45918) - you deserved it (2907)

On 07/11/2009 at 8:33pm - work - by cashier (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss. She said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

#4664067
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38800) - you deserved it (15226)

On 08/19/2009 at 8:01pm - work - by SweetFA (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my sister was playing a rock star in a play. When she got home, she told me she used one of my old guitars, because I told her it was ok. I said she could take one to practice on, not destroy on stage. FML

#6326232
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28271) - you deserved it (3559)

On 11/16/2009 at 1:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML

#4087171
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56134) - you deserved it (7198)

On 07/27/2009 at 7:33pm - love - by RupeeLink - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

#4290103
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36639) - you deserved it (7271)

On 08/04/2009 at 7:25pm - health - by toadface (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

#5825370
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22971) - you deserved it (2261)

On 10/14/2009 at 4:09am - misc - by goodsister (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past five years asked me to move to California with her to get married. Naturally, I was thrilled and said, "Of course, when do you want to leave?". She just stared at me blankly and said, "Shit, I was kidding." FML



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