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Today, at work I grabbed some customer keys off the board. I was checking out their cool flashlight keychain. At the exact moment I realized it wasn't a keychain, I pepper sprayed myself directly in the right eye. FML

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

#2670105
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39252) - you deserved it (5724)

On 06/06/2009 at 7:46pm - kids - by biotch - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as "My other girlfriend." FML

#5526124
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40446) - you deserved it (3603)

On 09/28/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

#325
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23403) - you deserved it (22122)

On 11/18/2008 at 1:42am - animals - by AgathedeBlouse - Sent from mobile version

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

#11909
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29607) - you deserved it (1963)

On 02/06/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by thesparrow (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

#21964
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37336) - you deserved it (3057)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:41pm - misc - by herpderp (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my crushes Mardi Gras party. He was handing out beads to all the girls at the party that flashed him. When he came around to me he stopped and said "I will give you these beads NOT to flash me." FML

#138466
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53086) - you deserved it (4462)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by MADfml - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend said that being with me was his payment for past sins. FML

#134361
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48766) - you deserved it (5496)

On 02/25/2009 at 4:12pm - love - by sadgf (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

#93676
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82357) - you deserved it (7503)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML

#142749
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16308) - you deserved it (90144)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

#267715
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75788) - you deserved it (3386)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:21am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was going to a concert. I left my wallet at home because I was afraid it would get stolen, or lost or something. After an awesome night, I came back home to find that my house had been broken into, and every dollar that was in my wallet got stolen. FML

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

#1223520
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10572) - you deserved it (66991)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:24pm - misc - by derranged - China (Tianjin)



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