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Today, my neighbors were busted for a meth lab in their garage. Yesterday, I signed the mortgage. Welcome to our new neighborhood, kids. FML

#4071557
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43284) - you deserved it (3526)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to eat with my girlfriend, her parents and my mother. My mother complained about every aspect of the service. When I told her she needed to assert herself, she took her pocketbook and hit me over the head. The whole restaurant stared at us while she yelled "Is that assertive enough?" FML

#5544276
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31575) - you deserved it (5843)

On 09/29/2009 at 7:31am - misc - by User06606 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

#5714367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32015) - you deserved it (8132)

On 10/07/2009 at 11:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

#5735053
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22838) - you deserved it (3628)

On 10/09/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by 310 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I came out to find the car stolen. I called the cops, and the responding officer took the info and drove me home to give the roomie the bad news in person. 15 minutes later, they found the car. I'd parked it on the opposite side of the lot. FML

#4594476
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7736) - you deserved it (55325)

On 08/17/2009 at 4:42am - misc - by SenescentSouthernBoy (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

#5209452
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6654) - you deserved it (50594)

On 09/12/2009 at 4:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I went to the eye doctor. He tells me that I've developed a severe allergy to contact lenses and must stop wearing them immediately. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't just visited him a week earlier, paid for a new prescription and ordered a year's worth of brand new lenses. FML

#4507995
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41680) - you deserved it (3758)

On 08/13/2009 at 7:14pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I flew in to visit my long distance girlfriend. When I got out of the cab, I saw her way down the street walking the dog, so I hid behind the bushes to scare/suprise her. Mission accomplished. I just wish I hadn't bought her that pepper spray. FML

#5661916
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10010) - you deserved it (39723)

On 10/05/2009 at 1:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took a hot plate out of the oven with my fancy silicone oven mitt. Seconds after carefully placing it on the cook top, I picked it up with my left, unprotected hand. FML

#6652180
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6668) - you deserved it (30961)

On 12/07/2009 at 6:08pm - health - by Van (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I tried to set up my brand new washer and dryer. How hard can it be, right? After cutting my hand in 3 places on the dryer vent, I finished it off with electrocuting myself. So much for being a domestic goddess. FML

#6014859
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21183) - you deserved it (9074)

On 10/26/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by annie00016 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, It was pretty nice out, so I decided to walk to work. Not twenty minutes after leaving, it started to pour. I was soaking when I got there and had to change. My boyfriend works next door, so I asked him if he could give me a ride. His reply? "Sorry Babe, I just can't be seen with you like that." FML

#6208995
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30526) - you deserved it (3935)

On 11/08/2009 at 6:46am - love - by MissBeEyeTeeSeeH (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML

#6125529
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24845) - you deserved it (2778)

On 11/02/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by justin_99 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

#6378987
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7457) - you deserved it (30408)

On 11/20/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by hopefulanonymous - United States (Maryland)



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