Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML

by scarredforlife / 08/07/2009 at 9:34pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my turn to have the trophy my baseball team won a few weeks ago. I then find out that my brother and his buddies thought it would be funny to fill the trophy up with beer, drink the beer, and then pee in it. Not only is it over 50yrs old, it stinks of pee and is due back tomorrow. FML

by itendstonight / 08/09/2009 at 8:42am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2009 at 9:36pm / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, on my wedding day, when they said "you may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately my hands were sweaty as I was nervous and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML

by slipperyhands / 08/15/2009 at 3:50am / United States (California) / Love

Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML

by iltdtsm / 08/15/2009 at 12:58pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML

by ostfae / 08/21/2009 at 4:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my Mom had taken out a loan out on my car from the repo man taking my car away. FML

by jonhapimp / 08/21/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I was playing Ultimate Frisbee and trying to make new friends since I'm new at my college. I was running after an overthrown frisbee for a touchdown. Everyone cheered me on to keep going. I ran full speed into a fence. FML

by AvengdSevenfold / 08/24/2009 at 10:22am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I found some .pdf files on my wife's computer. They were forms that had been filled out except for the date and the "reason" section. They were divorce papers. When confronted about it she said, "Well, if you piss me off really bad, I want to write down why before I calm down." FML

by UNmarried / 08/31/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML

by Lonely / 09/12/2009 at 7:53am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

by catpeecathy / 09/14/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I was picking up my 10 year old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

by justgreat / 09/28/2009 at 11:13am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, at my work at a designer clothing store, we received a list of photos from the police of known shoplifters. My coworkers were looking at the list saying "Eugh, look at that one: you'd shoplift with a face like that". I walked over and saw that they were looking at a photo of my boyfriend. FML

by ellibits / 09/18/2009 at 3:29am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.