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Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

by sarah_sad / 03/24/2009 at 9:48pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML

by NotRetarded / 04/10/2009 at 10:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I was walking in to the grocery store, a van pulls up and a bunch of guys get out who look really drunk. I jokingly said to the sober-looking man who had driven the van "Sucks you have to be the designated driver!" Turns out the "Drunk" guys were actually mentally challenged. FML

by dummy441 / 04/20/2009 at 11:14pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

by nojob / 05/07/2009 at 3:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, on the train home, two drunk guys decided to sit next to me and make casual conversation. This was fine until one decided to take a drink from his beer. While he did, he sneezed in my face. I still smell like beer. FML

by Carly_Michelle / 06/21/2009 at 8:56am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said "Did you have fun at the party?" and I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left". FML

by far23 / 07/15/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my new boss at my job is the same guy that I turned down repeatedly last night at the bar. FML

by awkward. / 07/17/2009 at 1:02am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year ago because he "moved" to Florida. FML

by dwellswithin / 07/20/2009 at 6:00pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML

by Jacky-Boy / 08/06/2009 at 8:22pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Work

Today, my boyfriend threw me a going-away party. During the party, I caught him in my bedroom hooking up with my friend because "you're leaving soon anyway so it doesn't matter." I'll only be gone for 6 weeks. FML

by lonelyinlondon / 08/20/2009 at 10:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I'm being evicted from my apartment for not paying rent. My father is the on-site landlord. Meaning I now have to move my stuff downstairs into his place and hear every day how I'm a failure. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2009 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

by turdburger / 09/02/2009 at 1:56am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment were working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

by someone / 09/02/2009 at 7:00am / Denmark (Kobenhavn) / Miscellaneous