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Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when I actually had one, no one could tell. FML

by neilmalik / 10/21/2015 at 7:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2015 at 6:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex got arrested for stealing. His new girlfriend texted me asking if I could lend her money to bail him out. FML

by anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 2:07pm / United States / Love

Today, I learned that I cannot cook or clean in my kitchen because it's too noisy for my neighbour. Every time I do, she bangs on the wall. FML

by anonymous / 11/24/2015 at 9:59pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

Today, at college, I asked the girl who usually sits next to me if she wanted to team up on our latest assignment. She gave me a disgusted look, said "Um, I'm MARRIED. Creep." and walked away. Seriously, what the fuck? FML

by kevinfmls / 01/15/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2016 at 12:47pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I finally scrounged up enough change to do laundry, so I loaded up my car, swung by the bank to take out my rent money, and stopped at a gas station to get a drink. When I came outside, my car was gone, along with all my clothes and rent money. FML

by CaptainKidd / 01/29/2016 at 9:34pm / United States (Arkansas) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got into a car accident. The other driver was going so fast that when we hit, our cars positioned themselves to make it look like it was all my fault. He keeps blaming me for everything and the position of the cars doesn't help. FML

by Anon / 02/09/2016 at 7:39am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I was hanging out with a friend out of state. He had some friends with him and we were all having a great time, until they found out I live in Utah. They instantly assumed I was Mormon and started to act weird around me. This is a frequent occurrence. FML

by Poppleton99 / 02/11/2016 at 1:06am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 10:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I found a picture of my ex with a new boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't break up with me because she was lesbian. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2016 at 2:02pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML

by Judgeisalwaysright / 03/01/2016 at 3:57am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous