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Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

#21102656
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41895) - you deserved it (6091)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:16am - kids - by IcyWinter - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

#21104415
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34059) - you deserved it (18713)

On 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML

#21110214
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33893) - you deserved it (5232)

On 04/11/2014 at 10:51am - misc - by Gomer (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

#21113585
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48552) - you deserved it (3793)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:01am - love - by cricha4208 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I used a facial mask for super sensitive skin, recommended by several friends with similar skin issues. Apparently, when the warning says, "May cause some slight redness for thirty minutes", it really means, "Your face will have hives and swell to twice its normal size for several hours." FML

#21119632
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38357) - you deserved it (4535)

On 04/22/2014 at 1:31am - health - by Tomatoe Face - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my dog proudly brought home a rabbit he'd killed. The same rabbit that belongs to my neighbor's daughter. FML

#21123459
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41292) - you deserved it (4208)

On 04/26/2014 at 12:39pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

#21154853
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40417) - you deserved it (5761)

On 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm - health - by angelamegan21 - United States (Florida)

Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML

#21161981
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35141) - you deserved it (4308)

On 06/03/2014 at 6:51pm - misc - by Aether - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my birthday. The only person who remembered was my dad who got me a phone charger for my car, which I didn't even need because he got me the same exact thing last year. FML

#21157939
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43467) - you deserved it (3779)

On 05/31/2014 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML

#21168914
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38702) - you deserved it (6434)

On 06/09/2014 at 10:46pm - misc - by Where is it coming from?! (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML

#21159082
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33917) - you deserved it (8564)

On 06/01/2014 at 6:28am - animals - by Fat Arsed Lass - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, at work, a lady approached me asking if I'd found a used cloth diaper on a table, and I told her it was probably in the trash. She said "That's okay, I can wash it." So I searched through several bags of trash, and when I couldn't find it, she said "Oh never mind! It's in my bag." FML

#21158865
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41213) - you deserved it (4330)

On 06/01/2014 at 12:13am - work - by cootiequeen (woman) - United States

Today, I got cited for "internet plagiarism" and called to the dean's office. I'd been sitting a closed-book written exam, and my teacher had been breathing down my neck the whole time. FML

#21169503
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40999) - you deserved it (3914)

On 06/10/2014 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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