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Today, my boss fired me because a coworker had seen me reading magazines on the job. That same coworker was the one who offered me the magazine. FML

#5129906
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41286) - you deserved it (7604)

On 09/08/2009 at 4:48pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

#454917
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57417) - you deserved it (18640)

On 03/18/2009 at 10:57pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I babysat for two little girls, who wanted to play 'mermaids'. I smiled, and said that I would love to play with them. The older girl laughed, saying "You can't be a mermaid. Mermaids are pretty." FML

#614734
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82391) - you deserved it (4983)

On 03/25/2009 at 11:45pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML

#3109528
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39921) - you deserved it (20147)

On 06/22/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by FathersDay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML

#3171611
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46817) - you deserved it (5462)

On 06/24/2009 at 11:33am - love - by MoxyR12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

#2953608
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46617) - you deserved it (4672)

On 06/16/2009 at 8:59pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I drove six hours with a friend to see one of her favorite bands in concert. We were turned away at the door because the online site didn't say we had to be 21 to enter. I drove six hours back with nothing to show for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets. FML

#4074889
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41631) - you deserved it (9137)

On 07/27/2009 at 5:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing a game where you ask sexual questions and you have to give an honest answer. At one point, I asked my boyfriend what his favorite position is, to which he quickly answered with no hesitation, "Any one where I don't have to see your face or body." FML

#5369665
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29363) - you deserved it (4210)

On 09/20/2009 at 10:42am - intimacy - by uglyallover (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I rode my bike to the store because I only had a few things to pick up. When I walked back out after five minutes, my bike was stolen. I had gone to the store to buy a new bike lock. FML

#1881750
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47065) - you deserved it (12487)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by getyourownbike (woman) - United States

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

#842
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45608) - you deserved it (4161)

On 01/03/2009 at 11:48am - intimacy - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

#79769
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62193) - you deserved it (3361)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by killmenow (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend said that being with me was his payment for past sins. FML

#134361
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52999) - you deserved it (5932)

On 02/25/2009 at 4:12pm - love - by sadgf (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found an email he had written to an ex-fling telling her he was single and wanted to meet up. He wrote that email from my computer, in my apartment, on Valentine's Day. FML

#197366
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77729) - you deserved it (3629)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by JTo (woman) - United States (New York)



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