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Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38922) - you deserved it (1908)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was talking with some of my friends who are girls. They were all complaining about how there was no good boys left to ask to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Hoping for an invite I mentioned I was still availiable. They just laughed at me and invited me to come dress shopping with them. FML

#18079
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39565) - you deserved it (4298)

On 02/09/2009 at 6:47pm - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

#20313
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94010) - you deserved it (5155)

On 02/10/2009 at 10:08am - misc - by imalilangel05 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I handed in an assignment in health class that had to calculate my BMI. Embarassed by my weight I put it 15 pounds less. I got the assignment back and lost credit for something. Circled in red pen on the top was you must put your "EXACT" weight. FML

#92098
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38344) - you deserved it (16251)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:49pm - work - by ohh jeez. - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a customer opened with "you open bottles with them thangs?" I look around my desk for something he might confuse with an actual bottle opener. His girlfriend then informs me he is talking about my breasts. I work for a bank. FML

#176117
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44125) - you deserved it (3670)

On 03/01/2009 at 9:31pm - work - by bottlepoppin (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was getting restless in my psychology class. I stretched out both of my arms and hands into the aisles on either side of me, only to find myself with my teacher's package in my palm. FML

#221639
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49726) - you deserved it (10846)

On 03/05/2009 at 9:29pm - misc - by dizzlewizzle - United States (New York)

Today, my little nieces and nephews were about to have a water balloon fight. I was told to take pictures. They hit me. And my $600 camera. FML

Today, at 4:00 a.m., I woke up and realized that I had thrown an expensive gift certificate for a friend in the garbage. Since it was garbage day, I ran out in the rain in my pajamas and rifled through all three bags of garbage. Twice. I found the gift certificate. It was in my pocket. FML

#469671
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24970) - you deserved it (54374)

On 03/19/2009 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my little 7 year old brother asked me what horny meant whilst in the car with my parents. When I wouldn't tell him what it meant he screamed, "I'm getting horny!" at the top of his lungs, and told my parents that I told him to say it. FML

#525590
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63798) - you deserved it (6778)

On 03/21/2009 at 11:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was giving a presentation to a group of high school kids about how being 'cool' wasn't as important as they might think. When I was done I asked for questions. A kid says, "Miss, I get that you're not into being cool, but you're wearing your pants inside out.' He was right. FML

#1148346
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42669) - you deserved it (24038)

On 04/20/2009 at 8:21am - misc - by indi1011 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer I bought off of Craigslist for 150 dollars. The washer leaks and the dryer doesn't dry. So I called the guy and left an angry message about how the washer flooded my kitchen. In fact I just forgot to hook up the drain hose. FML

#3639163
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5925) - you deserved it (57429)

On 07/10/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

#2775360
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16162) - you deserved it (39069)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

#3607672
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8829) - you deserved it (56022)

On 07/09/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by StUbbY (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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