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Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML

#20752461
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41986) - you deserved it (2870)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)

Today, I was pretending to talk on the phone with my wife just to avoid to speak with my boring coworker. After two awkward minutes of him waiting in front of my desk and me inventing a call, he handed me the disconnected phone cable and left. FML

Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML

#20817997
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43638) - you deserved it (7709)

On 08/03/2013 at 12:29am - kids - by kimm1993 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

#20823652
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50415) - you deserved it (3166)

On 08/06/2013 at 10:44am - work - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

#20825918
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45381) - you deserved it (3619)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by hardee fucking har yourself, sir (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML

#20863339
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36371) - you deserved it (2848)

On 09/01/2013 at 4:04pm - misc - by no no no no no no no no no no no fuck no (woman) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, my son asked me if slavery was ever abolished. He's 19. FML

#20883742
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41601) - you deserved it (6698)

On 09/16/2013 at 1:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally got up the courage to talk to my four-year boyfriend about how insecure I've been feeling in our relationship recently, and how I needed his support while I try to get my self-esteem back on-track. He fell asleep mid-conversation. FML

#20868475
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37000) - you deserved it (4676)

On 09/05/2013 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

#20891277
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39041) - you deserved it (3114)

On 09/22/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by SeriouslyDad (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

#20906772
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38811) - you deserved it (4381)

On 10/04/2013 at 1:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

#20909610
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39305) - you deserved it (3326)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm - health - by _/ | \_ (woman) - Singapore

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML

#20916390
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39215) - you deserved it (3401)

On 10/11/2013 at 12:43pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was watching TV when my sister-in-law called me, laughing. It turns out my brother got his head stuck between the bars on the stairs. Again. My brother is 29. FML

#20957769
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36677) - you deserved it (2677)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by AshlynnPrime - United States (Kentucky)



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