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Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML

#20890943
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40787) - you deserved it (10717)

On 09/22/2013 at 12:26am - work - by not_fakingit - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML

#20891258
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38921) - you deserved it (8296)

On 09/22/2013 at 9:34am - misc - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box of naughty toys under my bed. FML

#20902324
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44237) - you deserved it (11028)

On 09/30/2013 at 6:41pm - intimacy - by A.Summers (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

#20909145
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50776) - you deserved it (5523)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:20am - intimacy - by inhaler -.- - United States (Alabama)

Today, my mother came over to my apartment for a surprise visit. It wasn't until after she left that I realized that I left a half empty bottle of adult toy cleaner on the counter in the bathroom. FML

Today, a girl came up and hugged me. At first I was frightened, but then I asked who she was. Turns out she was the kid I babysat for 3 years. She cried when she realized I didn't remember her, then threw gravel in my face and ran away. FML

Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML

#20955463
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37617) - you deserved it (3131)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML

#20971993
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35672) - you deserved it (5158)

On 11/26/2013 at 11:42pm - misc - by squirts -

Today, my boyfriend told me that we need to talk. I think he dumped me, but I'm not sure, because he muttered it in Russian and quickly left. FML

#21009542
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43677) - you deserved it (3524)

On 12/29/2013 at 5:58pm - love - by RustyRuski (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I dropped my suitcase on my toe. Don't worry, it was already broken. FML

#21010276
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43999) - you deserved it (4204)

On 12/30/2013 at 8:07am - health - by laurenasabutton (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML

Today, I was at the library, working with some classmates on our major semester project. I accidentally killed power to the row of computers by me. I've never had so many enraged faces looking at me before. FML

#21052823
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36973) - you deserved it (15635)

On 02/06/2014 at 10:07pm - work - by AnonymousQuagga - United States (Texas)

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

#21058095
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41816) - you deserved it (5478)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:57pm - misc - by airhead2015 (man) - United States (Tennessee)



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