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Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

by lalala_hahaha / 09/23/2010 at 7:18pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my date and I went to the movies. After the date, we were both on an instant chat room at our homes. Her personal message displayed "I think I love my ex again." FML

by bevo / 08/25/2010 at 10:09pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML

by tenthousandspoon / 09/12/2010 at 8:08pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Kids

Today, I was driving to my company picnic with 85 lbs of meat in the back seat, and 1 gallon of homemade BBQ sauce and mustard in large pans riding shotgun. As I drove down a steep hill, the BBQ sauce pan slid forward, hit the glove box and exploded in my front seat. FML

by Username / 09/26/2010 at 8:50pm / Transportation

Today, after a promotion at work, my new manager made me reset my password for a website we use. To do so, I had to answer the secret question I’d set two years prior. The question was "What is your favorite activity?" The answer I had to type out in front of my manager was "Drinking." FML

by T. / 09/30/2010 at 10:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I went to get a trim. However, follow-up damage control at home afterward shouldn't really be necessary on a fifty dollar haircut. FML

by grow_fasterrr - / 10/13/2010 at 1:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

by Peter / 11/25/2010 at 5:25am / Work

Today, I realized I was happy because we finally started having friends come visit us after months of not having company. I also realized that our secret stash of money was stolen last night while we had company. FML

by robbed / 10/13/2010 at 10:25pm / United States (Mississippi) / Money

Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago that my wife told me would look sexy doesn't just make me look like a completely hairless ten-year-old boy. The ingrown hairs everywhere now make me look like someone with chicken pox. FML

by mikey / 10/14/2010 at 9:05am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, after staying in bed all day for a week from sickness, I get up to tell my mom I have terrible back pain and feel extremely dizzy. After curling up on the chair next to her, not being able to keep my head up for too long, she simply stares at me and says, "Can I finish my dinner now?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday. After taking one bite, she exclaimed that it was the worst thing she had ever tasted and that we should sue the store that I bought it from. I baked it myself. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 10:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother asked me to drill a hole in one of the studs in her ceiling. Finding it a little odd, I asked her about it. It turns out she's installing the sex swing her boyfriend bought her, and I got to help. FML

by Trey Deluna / 12/03/2010 at 12:12pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

by penguins / 11/12/2010 at 7:30pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy