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Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

#1675057
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11130) - you deserved it (46146)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, on my last break, a lady comes up to me and asks if she could have a hug because I reminded her of her daughter that died in a car accident 3 years before. Touched, I called my mom to let her know that I loved her. Before I could tell her, she said it was probably a scam and hung up on me. FML

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really hit it off with. Then he admitted that he was a recovering heroin addict and had to cut our date short to go to the methadone clinic. When I got home, I realized that my wallet was missing $40. I think he lied about the "recovering" part. FML

#3689425
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43278) - you deserved it (4574)

On 07/12/2009 at 9:29am - love - by vividrabbit (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, was my first day as a bouncer. I was a bit late and didn't meet all the staff. Later that night, some fairly drunk guy was trying to force his way in, I told him we were at capacity and that he would have to wait. He kept trying and I ended up pushing him to the floor. He was the owner. FML

#5519720
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37051) - you deserved it (12479)

On 09/28/2009 at 12:11am - work - by Baboosh (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I woke up to the realization that the 2-hour nap I wanted to take before I went out with my friends last night was actually a 12-hour nap. I missed everything. FML

#5579967
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12788) - you deserved it (29852)

On 10/01/2009 at 3:05am - misc - by Ataraxia (man) - United States (California) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. After hundreds passive aggressive comments, my boyfriend and I went into the kitchen. I started complaining to him about how his parents were horrible and mean. Little did I know, his parents had followed us in and were right behind me. FML

#4974765
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13402) - you deserved it (43391)

On 09/01/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

#3863732
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47544) - you deserved it (12562)

On 07/18/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by blackntangirl (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was using a Kodak Picture Maker in Walmart. I needed help using the machine so the lady that works there came over and tried to load my pictures. I heard some snickering behind me from the people in line. Turns out the pictures loaded. Even the nude ones I forgot about. FML

#5064237
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7292) - you deserved it (43602)

On 09/05/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by indecentcameraexposure (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my girlfriend was getting up to leave and I, trying to be romantic, got up behind her and tried to swing her back down onto the bed and kiss her simultaneously, misjudged the distance and threw her into the wall, her head then bounced off the wall and into my forehead, spraining her nose. FML

#5394523
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8870) - you deserved it (22045)

On 09/21/2009 at 3:08pm - intimacy - by dontpanic (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

#5424247
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16435) - you deserved it (33892)

On 09/23/2009 at 6:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML

#5047038
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40154) - you deserved it (2133)

On 09/04/2009 at 7:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

#5410681
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34082) - you deserved it (4985)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:36am - misc - by kimmybr (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

#4777609
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35933) - you deserved it (6889)

On 08/24/2009 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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