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Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

by nojob / 05/07/2009 at 3:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I came home to found all of my belongings out on the street. My roommate, who is also my brother, apparantly neglected to pay his part of the rent, and we got evicted. FML

by BrianP / 07/07/2009 at 1:00pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Money

Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said "Did you have fun at the party?" and I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left". FML

by far23 / 07/15/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my new boss at my job is the same guy that I turned down repeatedly last night at the bar. FML

by awkward. / 07/17/2009 at 1:02am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year ago because he "moved" to Florida. FML

by dwellswithin / 07/20/2009 at 6:00pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML

by Jacky-Boy / 08/06/2009 at 8:22pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Work

Today, my boyfriend threw me a going-away party. During the party, I caught him in my bedroom hooking up with my friend because "you're leaving soon anyway so it doesn't matter." I'll only be gone for 6 weeks. FML

by lonelyinlondon / 08/20/2009 at 10:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2009 at 11:53am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm being evicted from my apartment for not paying rent. My father is the on-site landlord. Meaning I now have to move my stuff downstairs into his place and hear every day how I'm a failure. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2009 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

by turdburger / 09/02/2009 at 1:56am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2009 at 3:22am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

by SlowLane / 09/11/2009 at 5:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

by veggocake / 09/26/2009 at 4:05am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous