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Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML

#21184159
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39620) - you deserved it (4645)

On 06/22/2014 at 12:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went bowling with my girlfriend, her sister and her brother-in-law, and her niece. After 10 rounds, I came in last place. Her niece is 3 years old. She got twice as many points as me. FML

#21189057
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36005) - you deserved it (10784)

On 06/26/2014 at 10:58am - misc - by DF (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML

#21270214
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31567) - you deserved it (2627)

On 10/03/2014 at 5:13pm - work - by hopeless (man) - Canada

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

#21247953
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45716) - you deserved it (6856)

On 08/29/2014 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by SCARRED (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finally got to watch some porn after not being able to for a while. All I could notice in the video was how badly the participants were playing snooker. FML

#21250464
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28037) - you deserved it (6914)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

#21246995
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35340) - you deserved it (2715)

On 08/28/2014 at 6:31am - work - by newswithabitofbite (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

#21290182
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29351) - you deserved it (6457)

On 11/02/2014 at 12:51am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

#21328962
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27447) - you deserved it (3761)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by mrwilly (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

#21242424
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38723) - you deserved it (7177)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

#21284031
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33182) - you deserved it (5477)

On 10/23/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML

#21261625
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33505) - you deserved it (5216)

On 09/20/2014 at 2:54am - misc - by pasquale - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML

#21232284
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38161) - you deserved it (3502)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:13am - work - by Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

#21327810
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28916) - you deserved it (2373)

On 12/31/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia



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