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Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As I was leaving, I get a text from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying that it was cancelled. Hungry, I decided to go to that particular restaurant anyway. Turns out the party wasn't cancelled. Half the party just didn't want me there. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2009 at 12:24am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the movies with the guy I have been in love with for a long time. I laid my head on his shoulder and he held my hand throughout the movie. Afterwards he asked me for advice on the girl he likes. Apparently she isn't talking to him anymore. FML

by SkySkyChan / 11/08/2009 at 5:36am / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML

by Ohgreat / 10/17/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my boyfriend told his best friend to text my sister telling her to tell me that he was breaking up with me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2009 at 1:06am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, when I walked up to my car, all my windows were smashed. Thankfully, all I keep in my car is jumper cables, a pen, my car insurance and manual. Whoever smashed my windows apparently was pissed, 'cos they left a note saying "F**k you and your f**king station wagon". FML

by Smashed / 11/15/2009 at 6:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I stood in line for one hour to get a new phone. It then took me 2 minutes to drop it and shatter the screen, and 2 seconds for the employee to look at, laugh, and tell me, "That Sucks." FML

by bananaface / 11/16/2009 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

by Manstobe92 / 11/16/2009 at 2:32am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

by JennyAndrews / 12/05/2009 at 3:44am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Love

Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML

by poohead / 12/09/2009 at 12:07am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

by fatguyinalittlecoat / 12/08/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2009 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

by PJ / 01/05/2010 at 9:06am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, at work I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say "have a nice night." What I actually said was "have a nice flow". FML

by iluvjenknee / 01/22/2010 at 1:26am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work