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Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

#185266
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60410) - you deserved it (10554)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:26pm - love - by ak (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my friend sent me an instant message, telling me how excited she was that she was accepted to a FIT Summer Program. I told her I was so proud, and that she can finally lose that excess weight. She told me that she meant Fashion Institute of Technology. FML

#233851
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15070) - you deserved it (65438)

On 03/07/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

#242158
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59129) - you deserved it (4424)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by kelsey (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

#247252
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56733) - you deserved it (12211)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:53pm - kids - by monty (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

#3570520
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42439) - you deserved it (11102)

On 07/08/2009 at 12:16am - love - by lonelyhubby (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

#979706
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46988) - you deserved it (10098)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

#1287200
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34325) - you deserved it (17688)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by papergirl (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

#1052920
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11820) - you deserved it (59691)

On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw a major accident then stopped to help the drivers. I was on my way to a rest stop to use the bathroom so as we were waiting for police I went into the woods and I come out to the police arresting me for public urination. One of the drivers said I was "using the woods for a bathroom." FML

#3528388
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40707) - you deserved it (3960)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:34pm - misc - by JMU (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML

#5593248
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31222) - you deserved it (2779)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:09pm - health - by Poop (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I drove six hours with a friend to see one of her favorite bands in concert. We were turned away at the door because the online site didn't say we had to be 21 to enter. I drove six hours back with nothing to show for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets. FML

#4074889
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39781) - you deserved it (8903)

On 07/27/2009 at 5:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, on the train home, two drunk guys decided to sit next to me and make casual conversation. This was fine until one decided to take a drink from his beer. While he did, he sneezed in my face. I still smell like beer. FML



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