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Today, my husband and I got into a huge fight about his ex-fiancée, after I found out he's been confessing his love to her behind my back. Our fight ended with him yelling that yes, she's the love of his life, "But I still married you, didn't I?" FML

by JustTheWife / 05/12/2016 at 1:24pm / Denmark / Love

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, because her military father, who doesn't like me, continuously threatened my safety for dating her. Now he's threatening to kill me for dumping her. I can't win. FML

by send the army please / 05/02/2016 at 2:51am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML

by korbo7 / 05/16/2016 at 11:26pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work

Today, after spending all day begging my husband to stop playing video games and show me some attention, I finally fell asleep out of boredom. As soon as I did, he shut the game off and went to hang out with our neighbor. FML

by megsterr413 / 05/27/2016 at 12:45am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was grabbed and romantically kissed at the crowded carnival. Unfortunately, it was not by my husband but instead it was a complete stranger, in front of my husband and children. Now, my husband will not talk or believe that I didn't know the man, and my children think I'm a cheater. FML

by babyscarface / 06/12/2016 at 11:48am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my friend invited me to go on vacation with her and friends, saying we would all share a suite. I booked my flight. The trip is almost here and she now tells me there is no room for me and I have to get my own room. This is the second time she has done this. FML

Today, my teacher marked a test question wrong, even though I was sure I got it right, so I went online to check. I found a government-approved website showing proof that my answer was correct. My teacher still counted it wrong, because, "we follow the book". That book's older than I am. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2016 at 12:19pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2016 at 2:47pm / Kids

Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML

by Rover / 07/11/2016 at 3:03pm / Intimacy

Today, I went into labor. I called my mother to ask her to drive me to the hospital. She wanted me to wait for her to take a nap first. FML

Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 4:32pm / Intimacy

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML

by lopez / 12/15/2008 at 10:58pm / Work

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

by razzmataz / 01/28/2009 at 8:38am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous