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Today, at 4:00 a.m., I woke up and realized that I had thrown an expensive gift certificate for a friend in the garbage. Since it was garbage day, I ran out in the rain in my pajamas and rifled through all three bags of garbage. Twice. I found the gift certificate. It was in my pocket. FML

#469671
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24956) - you deserved it (54367)

On 03/19/2009 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my little 7 year old brother asked me what horny meant whilst in the car with my parents. When I wouldn't tell him what it meant he screamed, "I'm getting horny!" at the top of his lungs, and told my parents that I told him to say it. FML

#525590
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63768) - you deserved it (6776)

On 03/21/2009 at 11:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer I bought off of Craigslist for 150 dollars. The washer leaks and the dryer doesn't dry. So I called the guy and left an angry message about how the washer flooded my kitchen. In fact I just forgot to hook up the drain hose. FML

#3639163
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5922) - you deserved it (57390)

On 07/10/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

#2775360
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16150) - you deserved it (39052)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

#3607672
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8278) - you deserved it (54226)

On 07/09/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by StUbbY (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went into work to change a shift I was unable to work. I phone the first person on the employee sheet and they promptly answer by saying "You still work here? I thought the manager fired you..." I was fired last week and have been showing up for shifts without anybody noticing. FML

#3572353
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42661) - you deserved it (5579)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:21am - work - by mannnnn (man) -

Today, I parked my car in a garage that cost $13 for every 10 minutes past 10 o'clock. When I came back to the garage at 10, I had forgotten where I parked it and spent an hour looking for it. I paid $78 to lose my car. FML

#2300061
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21402) - you deserved it (37640)

On 05/26/2009 at 1:39am - money - by lostcar (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

#1847078
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44439) - you deserved it (2807)

On 05/11/2009 at 4:37pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

#842
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41628) - you deserved it (3715)

On 01/03/2009 at 11:48am - intimacy - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I returned from a half-month long trip to China with a group of friends. After throwing myself into my mother's arms and bursting into tears, she stops me to say 'Listen...these last couple of weeks have been some of the best I've ever had. Can we try to keep it like that?' FML

#89579
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40435) - you deserved it (4209)

On 02/20/2009 at 4:19pm - misc - by DuCkBuBbLeS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

#102962
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65357) - you deserved it (5183)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:10am - intimacy - by Charles (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

#197849
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19833) - you deserved it (48669)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by brows (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

#250132
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76962) - you deserved it (4855)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:09am - intimacy - by Yulia (woman) - United States (California)



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