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Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML

#19574398
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18211) - you deserved it (2235)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:01pm - love - by AnonymousUser (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

#20138046
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20166) - you deserved it (1261)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:31am - misc - by tcm123 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

#20128630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21280) - you deserved it (1880)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:34pm - misc - by petra84 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML

#19829657
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7302) - you deserved it (22669)

On 06/22/2012 at 3:41pm - misc - by hakura madada - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML

#20040149
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28008) - you deserved it (2061)

On 08/24/2012 at 11:31pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my best friend that when babies are born, the umbilical cord is attached to the baby's belly-button, not the mother's. FML

#20035907
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17521) - you deserved it (1470)

On 08/22/2012 at 4:36pm - misc - by baffled (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

#20113953
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22900) - you deserved it (1317)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:00pm - misc - by WTF (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML

#20146224
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20671) - you deserved it (6841)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after several years spent hung up on my ex, I was finally moving on. I was on a date with my new boyfriend when my ex walked past us. He broke down crying, got on his knees, and begged me to come back. FML

#20402543
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33732) - you deserved it (3538)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:57pm - love - by Miki (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

#20449532
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21061) - you deserved it (2365)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Israel

Today, my boyfriend knocked into me with his car. I drove myself to the hospital because he couldn't stop laughing long enough to drive. FML

#20434038
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29048) - you deserved it (2662)

On 12/31/2012 at 1:13pm - misc - by anon - United States (California)

Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML

#20463766
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28059) - you deserved it (2000)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:03am - work - by Beva (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

#20482991
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25209) - you deserved it (3901)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by thrifty gone wrong - United States (California)



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