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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML

#19348769
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17305) - you deserved it (1789)

On 03/26/2012 at 12:31am - misc - by Ringo McDingo (man) - United States

Today, I was at my cousin's house. We weren't spending time together because he was always texting. After a couple of minutes, I got jealous. I played a ringtone on my cell, and "answered" it. I had a whole conversation with nobody in an attempt to seem somewhat more popular than a 10-year-old. FML

#17752355
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10193) - you deserved it (24532)

On 09/15/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by ForeverAlone (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML

#20110797
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20694) - you deserved it (1888)

On 10/10/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by scaredofcutouts (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

#17507228
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9756) - you deserved it (34302)

On 08/18/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

#18172214
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28910) - you deserved it (11075)

On 11/06/2011 at 7:17am - animals - by dre_bro11 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boss phoned me and asked me why I wasn't at work. I was in the staff room. I said hello to her as I came in the door. FML

#18286848
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28481) - you deserved it (2263)

On 11/19/2011 at 3:40am - work - by arthur (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I became a father. Unfortunately, my wife found out. FML

#19253868
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9983) - you deserved it (144972)

On 03/10/2012 at 9:16pm - misc - by Major3 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

#19579896
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29853) - you deserved it (2510)

On 05/06/2012 at 12:09am - health - by catherineratley - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because, I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

#19062488
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37876) - you deserved it (9645)

On 02/13/2012 at 1:00am - love - by Kevin (man) - United States

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

#19605681
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16619) - you deserved it (5104)

On 05/11/2012 at 1:03am - work - by Brown345 (man) - United States

Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML

#19306494
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18406) - you deserved it (2132)

On 03/19/2012 at 8:39am - misc - by fuuu. - Hong Kong

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

#19966487
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18752) - you deserved it (1570)

On 07/21/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

#20000913
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16879) - you deserved it (1663)

On 08/03/2012 at 7:50pm - misc - by yeah okay then (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)



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