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Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

#2489
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45627) - you deserved it (3558)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

#5894
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29562) - you deserved it (2877)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:49am - love - by 751920 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

#20313
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93795) - you deserved it (5143)

On 02/10/2009 at 10:08am - misc - by imalilangel05 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML

#21094
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44416) - you deserved it (11106)

On 02/10/2009 at 3:46pm - love - by noneofthesex (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I fell out of the shower. It was still on. Bracing my fall, I reached into the toilet. It wasn't flushed. FML

#151604
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43123) - you deserved it (13504)

On 02/27/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by Ackbar (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

#185266
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60398) - you deserved it (10553)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:26pm - love - by ak (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my friend sent me an instant message, telling me how excited she was that she was accepted to a FIT Summer Program. I told her I was so proud, and that she can finally lose that excess weight. She told me that she meant Fashion Institute of Technology. FML

#233851
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15068) - you deserved it (65433)

On 03/07/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

#242158
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59114) - you deserved it (4419)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by kelsey (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

#247252
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56719) - you deserved it (12211)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:53pm - kids - by monty (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

#3570520
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42430) - you deserved it (11100)

On 07/08/2009 at 12:16am - love - by lonelyhubby (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

#1287200
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34319) - you deserved it (17687)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by papergirl (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

#1052920
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11816) - you deserved it (59681)

On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw a major accident then stopped to help the drivers. I was on my way to a rest stop to use the bathroom so as we were waiting for police I went into the woods and I come out to the police arresting me for public urination. One of the drivers said I was "using the woods for a bathroom." FML

#3528388
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40697) - you deserved it (3959)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:34pm - misc - by JMU (man) - United States (New York)



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