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Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

by M.SHUKRI / 03/29/2015 at 8:54am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my roommate and I are so broke, we resorted to going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for the refreshments. FML

by jamongrande / 04/17/2015 at 11:50am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML

by Armstrong / 04/18/2015 at 7:55pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I found my boyfriend and his friends laughing hysterically and practically choking on popcorn. They were watching a video of me in a school play, trying to sing while sobbing because I'd just pissed my pants in front of 200 people. Thanks for giving him the video, mom. FML

by .......... / 06/07/2015 at 5:46am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

by birchbeer / 05/11/2015 at 3:39pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

by 420curse / 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, after being with my fiance for almost a decade, my future mother-in-law has been accusing me of being a gold digger because we want to buy a house together. She has conveniently forgotten her son was out of work for two years and I supported the both of us. FML

by BadGoldDigger / 05/26/2015 at 8:18am / United States / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to explain to several young children why asking the new blind girl to play hide and seek with them is inappropriate. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 12:52pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Kids

Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML

by Gagging / 06/15/2015 at 7:57am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML

by ugh / 06/20/2015 at 6:45am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, a woman came through drive-thru and placed a long order while screaming at her kids in back. When we forgot a doughnut, she became enraged, threw her iced coffees at me, told me I was a no-life and that I always get her order wrong. It's my first day and I was only giving her the order. FML

by CoffeeGirl2000 / 06/29/2015 at 3:40pm / United States / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

by fishingforubies2 / 07/24/2015 at 10:02am / Aruba / Work