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Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

#20028660
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18151) - you deserved it (5674)

On 08/18/2012 at 7:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

#20116789
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17259) - you deserved it (1254)

On 10/14/2012 at 4:36pm - health - by oppafucktardstyle (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my grandmother said to me, "You look just like your mother did at your age. Except you're fatter of course." FML

#20148363
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19321) - you deserved it (4242)

On 11/05/2012 at 12:39am - misc - by poro123 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

#20145285
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21494) - you deserved it (1362)

On 11/03/2012 at 1:34am - health - by jdch_99 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML

#20411999
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23128) - you deserved it (2594)

On 12/21/2012 at 6:00pm - kids - by judge not, ye cunt (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

#20423262
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26806) - you deserved it (2911)

On 12/26/2012 at 9:05am - health - by ugh - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

#20430634
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26255) - you deserved it (2987)

On 12/29/2012 at 8:01pm - work - by nose hurts (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML

#20471100
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7445) - you deserved it (35858)

On 01/21/2013 at 11:11am - money - by sorrygranny (woman) - United States

Today, as I was leaving for my chemistry exam, I stepped on one of the countless sheets of chemistry notes that littered the floor following last night's studying. I managed to slip and knock myself out in my own living room. FML

#20489863
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23378) - you deserved it (5867)

On 02/02/2013 at 2:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

#20496887
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27565) - you deserved it (5120)

On 02/07/2013 at 9:45am - misc - by BonGoWash - United States (New York)

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29366) - you deserved it (3191)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the lump in my wrist that keeps getting inflamed and sore is caused by sketching and using my laptop too much. Good thing I'm in my fourth year of studying to become a designer. FML

#20546879
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29732) - you deserved it (2620)

On 03/16/2013 at 11:08pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

#20585940
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45499) - you deserved it (13372)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:05am - intimacy - by Fml (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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