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Today, I asked my mom why nobody likes me. She reeled off about a dozen reasons. FML

#21223790
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40427) - you deserved it (9641)

On 07/29/2014 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

Today, it was my brother's birthday. I was short on money but got him a present anyway. After opening it, he looked at it and said, "I didn't really want this." FML

#21345473
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30214) - you deserved it (2665)

On 01/28/2015 at 3:07am - money - by nsb124 - United States

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

#21304063
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32685) - you deserved it (5508)

On 11/22/2014 at 7:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

#21282480
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22730) - you deserved it (30666)

On 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by GetMeTheDamnBleach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38699) - you deserved it (4043)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

#21288043
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34088) - you deserved it (4749)

On 10/29/2014 at 10:41pm - work - by OfficeFatty - United States

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

#21340847
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31621) - you deserved it (2583)

On 01/20/2015 at 8:23am - work - by klaatu barada nikto (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

#21265865
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38147) - you deserved it (4330)

On 09/26/2014 at 3:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of six years. She got mad at me, saying she is too young to get married and that I was trying to ruin her career. She is 32 and works part-time at a grocery store. FML

#21322620
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37026) - you deserved it (3241)

On 12/23/2014 at 10:24am - love - by got any coupons? - United States

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

#21326529
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29597) - you deserved it (3446)

On 12/29/2014 at 2:11pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

#21328962
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32050) - you deserved it (4699)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by mrwilly (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a little old lady trying to cross the street. I went over and tried to help her. Turned out she was actually just a really short young woman. As soon as I took her arm, she screamed in front of everyone and accused me of trying to molest her. FML

#21339220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29848) - you deserved it (8044)

On 01/17/2015 at 10:45pm - misc - by Help Me (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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