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Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML

#518430
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70388) - you deserved it (23357)

On 03/21/2009 at 9:16pm - intimacy - by AGluckily (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at work, about to go to lunch. There were some girl scouts out front selling cookies. I told my manager that I would be using a different exit, and when he asked why, I told him that girl scouts really annoy the crap out of me. The girl scouts out front were his daughters. FML

#695786
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21764) - you deserved it (61256)

On 03/30/2009 at 12:41am - work - by musicman2005 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my dad if he thought my dress was nice, and if guys would go for me. He replied, "Shit, depends on how drunk they are." FML

#21303377
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32841) - you deserved it (4453)

On 11/21/2014 at 3:07pm - misc - by Veronica - United States (California)

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

#1513327
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21878) - you deserved it (51679)

On 05/01/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by kam3221 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my grandpa told me he can still get aroused even though he is 84. Im 32 and have erectile dysfunction. FML

#1578524
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61156) - you deserved it (3971)

On 05/02/2009 at 11:47pm - misc - by fuckerman - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

#1840722
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50509) - you deserved it (9236)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Manatee (man) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our livingroom wall with a painted one. Of our German Sheperd. FML

#2057571
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44552) - you deserved it (3279)

On 05/18/2009 at 7:20pm - misc - by trgtyo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

#4231634
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42083) - you deserved it (6563)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:12pm - work - by waiterrrrrrrrr (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML

#5719092
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38585) - you deserved it (3452)

On 10/08/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by Irony (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

#5419998
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31919) - you deserved it (7564)

On 09/22/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by cchandler (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML

#6002557
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10336) - you deserved it (39507)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by munchkin - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

#5423695
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38267) - you deserved it (3974)

On 09/23/2009 at 4:14am - love - by garrett (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

#6078345
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24748) - you deserved it (4974)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:34am - animals - by catwoman (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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