Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I was at work, about to go to lunch. There were some girl scouts out front selling cookies. I told my manager that I would be using a different exit, and when he asked why, I told him that girl scouts really annoy the crap out of me. The girl scouts out front were his daughters. FML

by musicman2005 / 03/30/2009 at 12:41am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I came home expecting a surprise party. It was my birthday and I had overheard my friends planning it all week. Nobody was there. It turns out the party they were planning was for my friend's dog's birthday. FML

by sheryl_m / 04/09/2009 at 11:11am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

by Manatee / 05/11/2009 at 11:14am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

by frustrated / 06/01/2009 at 3:06am / Hong Kong / Intimacy

Today, I went to the movies. After it was over I got up and noticed a designer purse sitting on the ground in the back row. I opened it to look for anything that could give me a address so I could return it. The owner came back, assumed I was robbing her, and punched me in the nose. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2009 at 2:00am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was on the roof of his house. I climbed the ladder but I am kind of scared of heights so when I got up there I just sat on the edge. The gutter broke and fell down and I fell along with it. My boyfriend said, "I've been trying to tell you to go on a diet". FML

by sydsophnova / 07/01/2009 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me to a movie after days of not seeing me. This long awaited date involved me paying for food and my movie ticket when he ran out of cash again. He then dumped me as we left the theater walking to his car. Well, I financed my own breakup date. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2009 at 2:11pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

by newsgirl / 07/16/2009 at 12:22am / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to 'sound the horn' and went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. FML

by Phoebe / 07/18/2009 at 4:15am / Singapore / Love

Today, my manager came in and said "Hey Alice, great job closing so well last night. NOT." and walked off. When I heard the door shut, I said "And great job being a bitch, you cow." I heard my manager walking back towards me. She wasn't the one who left the room. FML

by Alice / 07/22/2009 at 12:03am / United States / Work

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

by pear8head / 08/08/2009 at 12:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML

by thanksjerk / 08/11/2009 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I went to this meditation center which my mom suggested to get mental peace as I have been hating my job and life for some time now. I drove for an hour and then walked around in scorching Indian sun for 2 hours trying to locate the damn place. I got lost and returned home angrier than ever. FML

by zboy_123 / 08/23/2009 at 2:33pm / India (Haryana) / Miscellaneous