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Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML

#21073274
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35785) - you deserved it (5110)

On 02/27/2014 at 3:58pm - animals - by ricard0 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I arrived at the airport only to find my suitcase was lost and my 3 weeks worth of clothes and supplies gone. All I had left was my wallet and carry ons. Upon leaving the airport I was mugged. FML

#21068141
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48577) - you deserved it (3140)

On 02/22/2014 at 12:48am - misc - by seriously though - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML

#21079127
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36433) - you deserved it (14498)

On 03/05/2014 at 9:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Portsmouth)

Today, it was my first ever live piano performance. It went all great until the end, when I stood up, slipped, and smashed face-first into the keys. I've lost half a tooth and all my dignity. FML

#21100221
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41320) - you deserved it (2982)

On 03/30/2014 at 2:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML

#21110397
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38638) - you deserved it (2878)

On 04/11/2014 at 4:07pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

#21112406
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38943) - you deserved it (5482)

On 04/13/2014 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had my first car crash. I ran into a parked car and the owner saw it happen. I then accidentally opened my door straight into her car as well when I went to give her my information. FML

#21115410
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34527) - you deserved it (10047)

On 04/17/2014 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

#21194527
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45702) - you deserved it (3676)

On 07/01/2014 at 12:26am - work - by where do they come from - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

#21164174
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20499) - you deserved it (37207)

On 06/05/2014 at 6:23pm - misc - by charitableidiot (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, in a last ditch attempt to get away from my psycho coworker, I made my boss transfer me to another branch in the district. My coworker was immediately moved to that branch, because we "work well together". FML

#21176055
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44592) - you deserved it (3957)

On 06/15/2014 at 10:21pm - work - by Godhelpme (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while on holiday in England, a cute boy came up and asked where I'm from. When I said Paris, he gave a look and said, "Oh, strange, I always thought Parisians were the most beautiful women in the world." FML

#233
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41201) - you deserved it (3001)

On 11/06/2008 at 8:01am - love - by frog - United Kingdom (London)

Today, as I was pressed for time, I opened some canned food for dinner. When my children were served, they said, "Mmm, this is best meal you've ever cooked for us!" I cook healthy, balanced meals every day. FML

#557
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19207) - you deserved it (6710)

On 12/20/2008 at 7:23am - kids - by Lola - Sent from mobile version

Today, I'm sick. I got the flu shot for the first time ever this year and for the first time in my life, I have the flu. FML

#2279
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18343) - you deserved it (4237)

On 01/23/2009 at 3:24am - health - by cyantist - United States (Massachusetts)



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