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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

#18029940
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26627) - you deserved it (2809)

On 10/20/2011 at 7:51am - misc - by jwhizzle - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

#19172113
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22782) - you deserved it (4139)

On 02/27/2012 at 12:12am - love - by SwimminginSweat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

#19325916
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16278) - you deserved it (9089)

On 03/22/2012 at 10:59am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

#19559946
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18601) - you deserved it (3367)

On 05/01/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Megannn (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

#19433649
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23135) - you deserved it (2533)

On 04/08/2012 at 11:29pm - love - by Stinky. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML

#20164356
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19141) - you deserved it (2251)

On 11/15/2012 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

#19339919
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18036) - you deserved it (3597)

On 03/24/2012 at 5:07pm - health - by Stephen (man) - Sweden

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

#19642956
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17995) - you deserved it (4309)

On 05/18/2012 at 5:50pm - misc - by ooh cat - United States (California)

Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML

#19705574
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20019) - you deserved it (1920)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:34pm - misc - by wtf (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, a cop turned his lights and siren on to pull me over. I pulled into a parking lot and got a ticket. It wasn't until the cop pulled away that I realized that I'd pulled into, and interrupted, an on-going funeral visitation. FML

#19847830
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22266) - you deserved it (4836)

On 06/25/2012 at 11:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, while at my cosmetics job, an elderly lady came up to me asking for a product. I told her we had a smaller size and a larger size for a better deal. She told me she wanted the smaller size because she'd "probably be dead" before she finished that one. I laughed. She was serious. FML

#19764407
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26401) - you deserved it (4954)

On 06/10/2012 at 4:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I went out for lunch with a guy I hadn't seen in a couple of months. He seemed to be staring at my chest quite a bit, but I wasn't too bothered by it. Turns out there was still an XL sticker on my shirt. FML

#20074089
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21610) - you deserved it (6344)

On 09/16/2012 at 3:00am - love - by distracted - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my next-door neighbor decided to become a rapper. FML

#20075041
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20025) - you deserved it (1904)

On 09/16/2012 at 7:01pm - misc - by MyEarsHurt - United States (California)



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