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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

#20496887
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27552) - you deserved it (5120)

On 02/07/2013 at 9:45am - misc - by BonGoWash - United States (New York)

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29355) - you deserved it (3190)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the lump in my wrist that keeps getting inflamed and sore is caused by sketching and using my laptop too much. Good thing I'm in my fourth year of studying to become a designer. FML

#20546879
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29724) - you deserved it (2620)

On 03/16/2013 at 11:08pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

#20585940
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45493) - you deserved it (13371)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:05am - intimacy - by Fml (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

#20559804
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41486) - you deserved it (2468)

On 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Soph (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML

#20560819
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30997) - you deserved it (3539)

On 03/26/2013 at 10:22am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML

#20624531
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18951) - you deserved it (73208)

On 04/27/2013 at 2:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

#20646182
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42206) - you deserved it (3266)

On 05/06/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by sobasics - United States

Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML

#20655587
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40305) - you deserved it (6861)

On 05/11/2013 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

#20649324
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39895) - you deserved it (5012)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:42am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

#20682540
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19881) - you deserved it (35853)

On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)

Today, on the drive to church, I got a nosebleed. Not so bad, until I sneezed and splattered myself and my fiancé with blood, snot, and eventually tears. FML

#20705510
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46383) - you deserved it (4218)

On 06/04/2013 at 1:53pm - love - by BloodyMarry (woman) - United States

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

#20717146
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43155) - you deserved it (12561)

On 06/10/2013 at 7:22am - misc - by Oops (woman) - United States



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Tuesday 22 July 2014

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