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Today, I fell down a flight of stairs at college. I was taken to hospital with a fractured ankle and had to call my parents to drive me home. They constantly made passive-aggressive remarks on the way home, because I'd "totally ruined" their plans to eat out at a fancy restaurant tonight. FML

#20525940
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30248) - you deserved it (3452)

On 02/28/2013 at 5:33pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Ards)

Today, I showed my wife an article about how frequent orgasms can prevent prostate cancer, as well as increase both partners' overall health. She replied that she wouldn't judge me if I masturbated, as long as I don't use porn. FML

#20536129
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38728) - you deserved it (9020)

On 03/08/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by marriage/celibacy/synonymity (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML

#20543312
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33437) - you deserved it (2434)

On 03/14/2013 at 10:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia

Today, I was cast as beast in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. My Grandma's input? "At least they won't need any makeup." FML

#20566521
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35682) - you deserved it (3642)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Beast - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

#20628272
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44639) - you deserved it (3330)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:10pm - health - by verycherryfucked (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

#20620228
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39932) - you deserved it (5299)

On 04/25/2013 at 3:55am - work - by justgivemethed - United States (California)

Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML

#20638884
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45630) - you deserved it (3547)

On 05/03/2013 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

#20657778
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49553) - you deserved it (4121)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:20am - health - by those_allergies - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

#20701600
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58562) - you deserved it (6363)

On 06/02/2013 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by i'm not psychic, mother fucker (woman) - Sweden (Uppsala Lan)

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

#20726743
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49771) - you deserved it (4522)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by well then... - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

#20764590
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54869) - you deserved it (3215)

On 07/05/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML

#20760393
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39699) - you deserved it (2764)

On 07/02/2013 at 8:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML

#20806687
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52812) - you deserved it (4126)

On 07/27/2013 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by moms know best??? (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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