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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked "too chunky". I wasn't stealing, I'm just fat. FML

#20985487
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44185) - you deserved it (6004)

On 12/08/2013 at 8:16pm - health - by goingtothegym (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was helping my mom look for some money she'd misplaced. At my wit's end, I flipped through her diary, in case she'd hidden it between the pages as she has before. Didn't find the money, but I did find out she might well be cheating on my dad. FML

#21000942
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39676) - you deserved it (7665)

On 12/22/2013 at 1:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I dropped my suitcase on my toe. Don't worry, it was already broken. FML

#21010276
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41942) - you deserved it (4010)

On 12/30/2013 at 8:07am - health - by laurenasabutton (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

#21027789
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43417) - you deserved it (4128)

On 01/14/2014 at 4:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was watching Ratatouille. Piece of advice for starving students: never watch it when you've only eaten two apples in two days, or you'll find yourself in the ridiculous position of being jealous of a fucking rat. FML

#21033122
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41657) - you deserved it (7660)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:38pm - misc - by I.Want.Food. (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, after 10 months of hard work, it was the opening night of the show I was directing. Everybody loved it, except my mother. She called it the worst thing she'd ever seen. Thanks for the support, mum. FML

#21065609
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37083) - you deserved it (3166)

On 02/19/2014 at 4:33pm - work - by Disappointed (woman) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

#21098025
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40566) - you deserved it (4991)

On 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

#21099601
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38481) - you deserved it (4411)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm - work - by ohdear. (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

#21116013
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36661) - you deserved it (12167)

On 04/18/2014 at 1:37am - misc - by Fatass - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got a birthday package from my parents. It was all the stuff I'd forgotten there when visiting a month ago, along with some other things I'd left behind when I moved out. FML

#21130304
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37384) - you deserved it (5340)

On 05/04/2014 at 6:11am - misc - by chrono19 - United States (Washington)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

#21183341
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44686) - you deserved it (4628)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41754) - you deserved it (17492)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was on the internet playing a game. I have a speech impediment, and the guy running it told me to get off his server for making fun of disabled people. FML

#21199175
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47116) - you deserved it (3928)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:37am - misc - by Wow (man) - United States (California)



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