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Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

by paranoid neighborhood / 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a new chair at work. After spending 3 hours putting it together, I was called into my boss's office and let go. FML

by helpme / 12/03/2013 at 11:05pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I found a job after two years of searching. I excitedly called my best friend to tell her the good news. She decided break her own news about how she quit yet another good paying job and found an even better one within hours. FML

by MzZombicidal / 12/17/2013 at 12:28pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out about my co-workers' new game. Whoever talks to me first loses. FML

by pompomkiwi / 12/24/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Oregon) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized I'm so socially awkward that I can't even talk to Siri without stuttering. FML

by stopstutteringforSiri / 01/05/2014 at 4:59pm / United States / Love

Today, after much debate I let my mom wax my eyebrows. Now I get to look super surprised until they grow back. FML

by madib33 / 01/11/2014 at 12:49am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

by spitball101 / 01/12/2014 at 12:26am / Australia / Love

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

by seth7_ / 01/18/2014 at 2:14am / United States (Florida) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML

by holyshitsnacks / 03/18/2014 at 6:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

by student101 / 03/25/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we ran the Skype call all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML

by Amy (grossed out) / 04/27/2014 at 9:43am / Australia (South Australia) / Love

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

by failureatlife / 04/27/2014 at 3:16pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2014 at 10:58pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work