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Today, I was changing the oil on my car. I decided to pretend I was delivering a baby as I was removing the oil filter. I got really into it and was screaming things like "I see the head," and when I removed it, I said "Oh, it's a boy!" As I reach for my rag to clean it, I saw my neighbor's boots. FML

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

#6703555
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29007) - you deserved it (2175)

On 12/11/2009 at 12:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was doing a study on homeless people and how they manage to stay alive on the streets. Turns out the one I was studying today was given more money than I make in a week. FML

#6705143
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27856) - you deserved it (2533)

On 12/11/2009 at 2:23am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom's car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML

#6872316
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23374) - you deserved it (2904)

On 12/21/2009 at 8:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

#6809033
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15862) - you deserved it (8253)

On 12/18/2009 at 10:20am - intimacy - by eatmyshipoopie (woman) - United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot)

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened I slipped and fell in the shower and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered "Well, she is masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!". FML

#6998610
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25850) - you deserved it (2695)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by notexactly (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML

#7946481
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22684) - you deserved it (2993)

On 02/06/2010 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

#7608615
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22180) - you deserved it (4668)

On 01/27/2010 at 6:55am - intimacy - by Patrick - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML

#7563782
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15324) - you deserved it (3972)

On 01/25/2010 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Krissy (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I visited my grandmother who has dementia. She thought I was my father, and told me that I should never have married my mother, let alone have had children with her. FML

#8012707
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25669) - you deserved it (1727)

On 02/08/2010 at 2:30pm - misc - by dmachin - Sent from mobile version

Today, my roommate did his laundry. Unfortunately, he didn't check his pockets before he washed them. There's now sticky, melted gum all over the washer and I'm left to clean it up. FML

#18926835
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20664) - you deserved it (1949)

On 01/27/2012 at 5:32pm - misc - by StickySituations (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my car alarm went off so I went outside to investigate. Apparently, the abundant rain water in my street had swept a trash can five houses down, only to be stopped by my car. My bumper was dented by a run-away waste receptacle. FML

#7837909
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20856) - you deserved it (2186)

On 02/03/2010 at 1:27am - misc - by rainey (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

#7662711
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6289) - you deserved it (27004)

On 01/29/2010 at 12:10am - work - by ke (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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