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Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

#21252624
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32192) - you deserved it (9185)

On 09/05/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by tbee - United States (Illinois)

Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML

#21231087
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32628) - you deserved it (5531)

On 08/06/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by poolfail -

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

#21252533
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15555) - you deserved it (35934)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

#21252700
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44283) - you deserved it (2608)

On 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm - work - by crop circle galore - United States

Today, my son forgot to log out of MSN. He had written, "When am I getting out of this place?" and his username was "mother fucker". FML

#293
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27903) - you deserved it (6832)

On 11/13/2008 at 1:51am - kids - by syle - Sent from mobile version

Today, I wore myself out cooking, preparing tasty little dishes for my sweetheart. I heard him arrive and shout as he went up the stairs, "It stinks of shit in here! Have you been cooking?" I threw everything in the bin. We can eat sandwiches. FML

#577
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23861) - you deserved it (2970)

On 12/23/2008 at 1:47am - misc - by zazadudu - Sent from mobile version

Today, I'm flying out of the country in a few hours. A plane from the same airline just crashed into the Hudson River and is now floating in it. FML

#1219
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19939) - you deserved it (2132)

On 01/15/2009 at 10:05am - misc - by Tom - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was jerking one off and my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes... that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

#1752
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33615) - you deserved it (9169)

On 01/19/2009 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by stanDman - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: “I’m keeping them just in case...”- “In case of what?”- “In case I want to dress up like an asshole”. FML

#1859
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8356) - you deserved it (23629)

On 01/20/2009 at 9:01am - love - by dude - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

#2620
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6627) - you deserved it (51311)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by Timmy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a moderator. Instead, I got banned. FML

#3026
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6690) - you deserved it (26422)

On 01/28/2009 at 10:00am - misc - by hypebeast - United States (New York)

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

#3029
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44362) - you deserved it (3333)

On 01/28/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by splooge - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

#3435
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37999) - you deserved it (29853)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by GavinHosler - United States (Michigan)



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