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Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

#21198479
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25255) - you deserved it (38548)

On 07/04/2014 at 1:35pm - misc - by Oops - United States

Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML

#21233183
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40042) - you deserved it (3838)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:50am - work - by muffins - United States (Maryland)

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

#21245833
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32181) - you deserved it (5353)

On 08/26/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by alanh69 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

#703
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7049) - you deserved it (26835)

On 01/04/2009 at 10:33pm - love - by titou - Sent from mobile version

Today, a very pretty girl came up to me and asked me for my phone number. Very pleased, I give it to her with a huge smile and tell her that I can be reached at any time. I then watch her go back to her group of friends. My number was for her gay friend, who then meekly waved at me. FML

#718
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23322) - you deserved it (2771)

On 01/06/2009 at 6:58am - love - by musamalia - Sent from mobile version

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

#1817
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24707) - you deserved it (5646)

On 01/20/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by mainche - Sent from mobile version

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

#3657185
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37359) - you deserved it (2926)

On 07/11/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by mellbelle32 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML

#190335
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43058) - you deserved it (6864)

On 03/02/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by nerd (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I had an art class with my girlfriend. The teacher assigned "anti-cards", or cards for unusual or bad occasions. My girlfriend decided to make a "break-up" card, and I helped her write the poem inside it. After class, she gave it to me. FML

#5251989
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40063) - you deserved it (5818)

On 09/14/2009 at 2:54pm - love - by UnluckyArtist (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter ran up to a librarian working in the kids section and screamed "MOMMY!" and hugged her. She looked at her and said "I'm not your mommy." My daughters reply: "I know. But you're better than mommy" FML

#849178
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72706) - you deserved it (7238)

On 04/07/2009 at 3:32am - work - by Windstar (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to the beach on the cote d'azur and the lifeguard told me that even though there were two jellyfish in the bay, it was safe to swim. Five minutes into swimming, I got stung twice. FML

#3476155
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34798) - you deserved it (6245)

On 07/04/2009 at 8:10am - health - by michellekel (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

#2454522
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43198) - you deserved it (7564)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:45am - misc - by T-Shain (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

#1043784
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56884) - you deserved it (2253)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by eyeamcool (woman) - United States (California)



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