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Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

#334226
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56446) - you deserved it (18592)

On 03/15/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by marsbar (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was working at Coldstone. When a customer tips us we are required to sing. A late night DJ came in, put 20 dollars in the tip cup, and asked to hear every song we had. After we sang one song he looked at me and asked me to please stop singing or he was taking his money back. FML

#432216
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57976) - you deserved it (8461)

On 03/18/2009 at 1:05am - work - by Rev (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML

#452198
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66949) - you deserved it (9511)

On 03/18/2009 at 9:41pm - health - by uofpalum (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

#454917
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53621) - you deserved it (17483)

On 03/18/2009 at 10:57pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

#3078532
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39012) - you deserved it (10829)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by yuck (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally got my yearbook for senior year in high school. I started what everyone does, which is count how many times I appear in the yearbook. I stopped when I found a prominent photo of me, picking my nose in class. FML

#3305444
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16307) - you deserved it (46193)

On 06/28/2009 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

#2953608
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42629) - you deserved it (4285)

On 06/16/2009 at 8:59pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

#2042132
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37579) - you deserved it (21778)

On 05/18/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got pulled over for going a few miles per hour over the speed limit. The cop asked for my license and registration. I happened to look down at my wallet while he was processing everything and saw my license in my wallet. I gave the cop my fake I.D. FML

#5325524
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7406) - you deserved it (60407)

On 09/18/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mother came up to me a swim meet and shouted to me in the bleachers "If you have to go potty, go now because there is a long line!". I'm seventeen. FML

#2262925
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47118) - you deserved it (2771)

On 05/25/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by embarassed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

#6850
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16065) - you deserved it (46680)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by thermos (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

#79769
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58067) - you deserved it (3030)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by killmenow (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was secretly listening to a voicemail from my mom in maths class when I accidentally hit the speaker phone button. My whole math class now knows I have a gyno appointment at 9:45 on March 11. FML

#67507
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13041) - you deserved it (43494)

On 02/18/2009 at 10:43am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Kentucky)



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  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

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