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Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

#6608304
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7079) - you deserved it (30551)

On 12/04/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by Wino (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after pulling an all-nighter for my Bio final at 8AM and drinking 6 sodas, 3 energy drinks, and coffee throughout the night, an hour into the exam, I had to go to the restroom, so I get permission and go. I'm 1 of 3 people. They later find a cheat sheet in the restroom. Now I'm a suspect. FML

#6716496
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27272) - you deserved it (3749)

On 12/12/2009 at 12:00am - misc - by fuckbio (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML

#7176423
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25086) - you deserved it (6899)

On 01/06/2010 at 2:25am - misc - by Nox (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML

#6763164
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7596) - you deserved it (29221)

On 12/15/2009 at 10:06am - misc - by wjones (man) - United States (California)

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

#6838088
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18401) - you deserved it (3463)

On 12/19/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by omglifee (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

#7025627
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28903) - you deserved it (2594)

On 12/30/2009 at 12:03am - intimacy - by wheresthelove (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

#6926336
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31538) - you deserved it (2767)

On 12/24/2009 at 6:37pm - love - by hoplessG (man) - United States

Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML

#6787004
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6193) - you deserved it (29801)

On 12/17/2009 at 12:07am - misc - by sarabalism (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after secretly smoking for more than 2 years, I decided to quit. I come home from work and I see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

#7157355
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5587) - you deserved it (35852)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:55am - misc - by tanksfan (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing my very first orgasm. Right when my mother walked in. We had no blankets. FML

#7551052
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19043) - you deserved it (6839)

On 01/24/2010 at 7:23pm - intimacy - by meggasee - Sent from mobile version

Today, it was snowing really badly, so my boss said that everyone who drove to work could leave. But because I got the bus in, she said that I should stay and do a full day. By the time she eventually decided it was bad enough for me to leave, the buses were cancelled. FML

#7178930
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32400) - you deserved it (1926)

On 01/06/2010 at 8:42am - work - by Snowzies (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML

#7538757
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25096) - you deserved it (2675)

On 01/24/2010 at 3:50am - health - by Schrewt - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was very sick with a stomach virus, so I went to the only doctor's office open on Sundays. Even though I was feeling like a pile of shit, I waited for a woman who was walking in behind me to hold the door open for her. She was the last patient they could take for the day. FML

#7270960
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30438) - you deserved it (2707)

On 01/11/2010 at 12:19am - health - by Gentleman (man) - United States (Mississippi)



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