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Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML

#21323581
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31707) - you deserved it (12557)

On 12/24/2014 at 10:01pm - kids - by Santa (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

#21332081
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32681) - you deserved it (3363)

On 01/06/2015 at 3:36pm - misc - by Discouraged (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML

#21334755
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29948) - you deserved it (4448)

On 01/10/2015 at 10:21pm - health - by so much for romance - United States (New York)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML

#21333775
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32818) - you deserved it (6885)

On 01/09/2015 at 4:11am - love - by pitytitty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to work with a great attitude, something that doesn't happen often. It was shortly ruined after some lady yelled at me because I accidentally shorted her one penny. Yep. One single penny. FML

#21344188
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25648) - you deserved it (3696)

On 01/25/2015 at 8:41pm - work - by WhyMe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

#21346882
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32570) - you deserved it (5812)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

#21352037
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36139) - you deserved it (2620)

On 02/08/2015 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my professor cancelled class so I turned off my alarm. When I woke up, I checked my email again. There was no email from my professor. It was a dream. FML

#21350106
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41579) - you deserved it (6203)

On 02/05/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by DreamsDontComeTrue - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that the reason I didn't get the job that I have been working my butt off for over a year for is because they can't find anybody who can do my current job as good as me. I am too good to be promoted. FML

#21373611
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36296) - you deserved it (2878)

On 03/13/2015 at 2:21am - work - by hard work doesn't work - United States (Texas)

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

#21369995
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27996) - you deserved it (8985)

On 03/07/2015 at 3:14pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

#21364532
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37104) - you deserved it (3001)

On 02/27/2015 at 10:29am - misc - by MCForty (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

#21367918
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25015) - you deserved it (35358)

On 03/04/2015 at 10:03am - health - by actually just constipated.. and stupid - Tunisia



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