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Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML

by Anon / 04/29/2014 at 10:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

by wo-ow / 06/06/2014 at 7:09pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I got cited for "internet plagiarism" and called to the dean's office. I'd been sitting a closed-book written exam, and my teacher had been breathing down my neck the whole time. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2014 at 11:05am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML

by pierced. / 06/25/2014 at 12:29am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML

by crippled / 07/08/2014 at 4:40am / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a year and a half ended it. Why? He found another girl. "She's just like you." FML

by anonymous / 07/19/2014 at 12:43am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I had to drop off my library book. I thought I'd dropped in into the library book drop, but I'd accidentally put it in the post office mail box. To get the book back, I had to explain this incident five times to three librarians, a mailman, and my sister who called me ridiculous. FML

by lolateverything / 07/17/2014 at 12:25am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss expects me to conduct a meeting with a client, give him all the info he needs, and manage his campaign. This is because he fired the "expensive" marketing director and wants me, the intern, to continue his work. FML

by givemestrength / 08/14/2014 at 6:31am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML

by lacieQ / 08/01/2014 at 4:09pm / Canada / Health

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

by really though? / 08/03/2014 at 6:02pm / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

by PerfectVision / 09/11/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

by PickYourselfUp / 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Health