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Today, I was at a movie theater. I heard some obnoxious people talking in front of me. After about 5 minutes, I began throwing popcorn at a group of suspected people. As I was escorted out, I realized that the obnoxious people were in the background of the movie. FML

#13566172
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4635) - you deserved it (40513)

On 10/23/2010 at 7:14pm - misc - by escortedout (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

#14090215
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22978) - you deserved it (10600)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML

#14494219
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24688) - you deserved it (2731)

On 01/07/2011 at 4:11am - work - by dibman (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00am. FML

#14389262
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19562) - you deserved it (2582)

On 12/30/2010 at 12:08am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

#14505215
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28563) - you deserved it (3871)

On 01/08/2011 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

#15102552
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12325) - you deserved it (33643)

On 02/24/2011 at 2:32pm - health - by Steve - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. We were colouring, and she told me she wanted to draw a picture of me. After she was done, she showed me the picture. I'm drawn as a fat cow. The worst part is, the picture actually looks kinda like me. FML

Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML

#14985221
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9926) - you deserved it (32116)

On 02/15/2011 at 1:25am - misc - by a fatty -

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

#20043557
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29518) - you deserved it (1684)

On 08/26/2012 at 11:13pm - love - by damnit. (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn't find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else's fresh vomit. FML

#15514650
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33571) - you deserved it (3889)

On 03/27/2011 at 1:55pm - health - by hellosir - United States

Today, I realized that the redneck, hick, abusive family that my co-workers always joke about is my family. FML

#17958563
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24343) - you deserved it (3416)

On 10/11/2011 at 7:52am - work - by anon - United States

Today, an aunt that I'd had a massive falling out with passed away. My entire extended family refuses to speak to me, because they think I "had something to do with it". I live several hundred miles from her. FML

#15272926
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30078) - you deserved it (2738)

On 03/11/2011 at 6:28am - misc - by ieatoreos -

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

#19530940
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23720) - you deserved it (4041)

On 04/26/2012 at 3:11am - misc - by somefamily (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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