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Today, I was having a chat with a customer. He asked if I was married, to which I replied, "No." Before I could say anything else, he said, "Thought so. You look too happy to be married." I was about to mention that I just got engaged. FML

by ddeit / 08/18/2011 at 10:10pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, while I was on the bus, my foot fell asleep. When we arrived at my stop, I stood up and limped to the front of the bus. As I walked down the steps, I tripped, fell, and smashed my nose into the ground. The driver just laughed and drove away. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 11:41pm / United States (Missouri) / Transportation

Today, as I was training a new guy at work, my husband spent half the day creeping outside in his truck. FML

by Cristie / 09/30/2011 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I finished a website that I have been working on for ages for a friend. He tried to repay me by offering to teach me to play table tennis. FML

by Matt / 10/05/2011 at 6:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I realized that the redneck, hick, abusive family that my co-workers always joke about is my family. FML

by anon / 10/11/2011 at 7:52am / United States / Work

Today, I convinced my teacher to let me resit a very important test I failed. I got a lower score the second time around. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 12:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML

by unknown / 12/12/2011 at 9:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML

by kittyslayer / 12/14/2011 at 9:46pm / United States / Holidays

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2012 at 10:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the office tough guy learned how to use the fire extinguisher. On me. I wasn't on fire. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2012 at 9:58pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I walked into two things. The first was a spiderweb. The second, due to blind panic, was oncoming traffic. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2012 at 7:39am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML

by cfaul001 / 02/29/2012 at 12:41pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

by CutePenguin / 03/17/2012 at 6:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous