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Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2015 at 1:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

by DrLight / 01/16/2015 at 8:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML

by TheKingKen / 02/13/2015 at 3:40am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2015 at 8:34am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

by Mark / 02/27/2015 at 1:24pm / Malta / Health

Today, I found out my husband has been sleeping with one of the women in our marriage counselling group. FML

by scared and alone / 03/13/2015 at 2:47pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Love

Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML

by Microtron / 03/02/2015 at 7:48pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2015 at 11:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2015 at 6:05am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Health

Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

by nityasomaiya / 05/16/2015 at 1:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

by nerderer / 04/30/2015 at 2:48pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I found my 15-year-old son sleeping on the couch. I asked why, and he said he'd rented his room out to someone on Craigslist to make extra money, so he was getting used to sleeping in the living room instead. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2015 at 5:19pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

by ineedaraise / 07/14/2015 at 9:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work