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Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

by targetlove / 01/09/2010 at 8:23pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML

by over_protected / 01/18/2010 at 7:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I am really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date Tuesday. FML

by brokenrelicslost / 01/08/2010 at 3:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I got yelled at by one of my bosses. The reason? I was yawning. I work at Starbucks. Apparently I wasn't 'promoting' correctly. FML

by nichaneely / 01/21/2010 at 12:29am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I woke up at 2:30 AM. Thinking I was going to be late for my 3:30 AM flight, I rushed into the bathroom to shower. As I came out of the shower, I slipped and broke my arm. I then realized my flight is tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2010 at 7:46pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I was taking a warm shower when someone in my house flushed the toilet, making the shower extremely hot. In my rush to get out so I wouldn't get burned, I slipped and knocked a tooth out. FML

by soccercrazed1520 / 01/13/2010 at 4:40pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm a cashier in a grocery store. The visiting regional manager tore me a new one for being lazy. His reason? After working a double shift with no break, I decided to sit down for a minute when things got slow. FML

by Bob / 01/21/2010 at 8:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I discovered that the seal on my driver's door is defective. I made this discovery when I got rained on while I was getting my car washed. FML

by minette08 / 01/29/2010 at 4:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, I visited my friend in a nasty part of town. When I saw the shattered window of the car next to me, and the missing stereo, I moved my car to a safer location. Luckily, though, I have a common car, so the thieves were able to jimmy the lock and steal my stereo without making any noise. FML

by unsurprised / 02/28/2010 at 5:51am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

by latenightbite / 03/16/2010 at 7:17pm / United States / Love

Today, I spent half an hour on the phone with a woman who was yelling at the top of her lungs, sobbing uncontrollably and hyperventilating. She also told me if she had a heart attack and died from crying, it was all my fault. Why? I told her she needed her receipt to have her T.V. repaired. FML

by customerservicesucks / 05/26/2010 at 12:26am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

by brother love / 08/13/2010 at 1:33am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I found out that the reason my best friend is not allowed over anymore is because he hits on my mom and writes her love letters. FML

by Bestfrienduncool / 09/30/2010 at 1:11am / Miscellaneous