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Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go on a date with me tomorrow. His reaction was to pick up a banana and pretend that he was in the middle of a phone call. FML

#21447183
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20440) - you deserved it (2113)

On 07/25/2015 at 8:22pm - love - by Lucachoo - United States (California)

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

#21443824
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21260) - you deserved it (3354)

On 07/19/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML

#202
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56818) - you deserved it (8441)

On 11/03/2008 at 11:16pm - love - by clubber - Switzerland (Fribourg)

Today, I helped my son do his maths homework. He got a C and won’t talk to me anymore. FML

#298
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30573) - you deserved it (16967)

On 11/13/2008 at 6:39am - kids - by pinpin - Sent from mobile version

Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

#447
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9872) - you deserved it (57057)

On 12/04/2008 at 12:55am - intimacy - by noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was jacking off casually to a picture of my ex-girlfriend, when all of the sudden, my friend sends me an IM picture of a granny bending over which pops up on my screen. I think my sex life is ruined forever. FML

#539
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16931) - you deserved it (28074)

On 12/17/2008 at 11:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

#1395
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19629) - you deserved it (9118)

On 01/16/2009 at 5:10pm - misc - by stellarshaun - United States (California)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know". FML

#12002
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46586) - you deserved it (3914)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by iamnotfat (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

#3200106
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34693) - you deserved it (7679)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:17am - misc - by GoldenShower (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

#257838
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58358) - you deserved it (3807)

On 03/10/2009 at 12:20am - love - by nononame (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

#327078
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81820) - you deserved it (6943)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:06pm - health - by imfullthanks (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

#3435497
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37172) - you deserved it (6440)

On 07/02/2009 at 8:12pm - love - by Damnsoup (woman) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

#3383261
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47616) - you deserved it (7416)

On 07/01/2009 at 12:31am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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