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Today, a woman came through drive-thru and placed a long order while screaming at her kids in back. When we forgot a doughnut, she became enraged, threw her iced coffees at me, told me I was a no-life and that I always get her order wrong. It's my first day and I was only giving her the order. FML

Today, my girlfriend randomly confessed to basically having a "phobia" of monogamy. But don't worry, she defensively assured me she's never ever cheated on me, even though I never said she had, so I guess that's okay then. FML

#21417890
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26251) - you deserved it (2343)

On 05/30/2015 at 1:40am - love - by well then (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I brutally stabbed a guy to death for smiling at me, then puked and fainted. Then I woke up in bed, panicking, sweating like a pig and crying because I thought my dream was real and I was going to go to prison. I'm never taking sleeping medication again. FML

#21472635
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24771) - you deserved it (2310)

On 09/25/2015 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany

Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML

#21441140
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25447) - you deserved it (12312)

On 07/13/2015 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by Nigel - United States

Today, I had to sit through an entire movie where every time a new character was introduced, the guy sitting behind me would say, "My name is Jeff." FML

#21438229
70 comments

Today, I took my family to Disneyland. My husband had more fun than my five year old daughter. He was hitting on the princesses. FML

#21411433
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30874) - you deserved it (3035)

On 05/17/2015 at 12:08pm - love - by creepedoutmom (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my phone fell down the toilet while flushing, good news is that it had a waterproof case, bad news is that I don't know where it went. FML

#21500400
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20303) - you deserved it (3039)

On 12/05/2015 at 1:02pm - misc - by OneOnJuanAction - United States

Today, I had to write my own notice for enforced redundancy because my boss just went on a two week vacation. He told me to just forge his signature and that, if I wouldn't do it, he'd just make something up to dismiss me on codes of conduct. FML

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

#21409953
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31789) - you deserved it (2492)

On 05/14/2015 at 10:23am - misc - by sistertaxi - Australia

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic and trick me into missing my flight, so he could spend another day with me before I have to return to Asia for work. There is nothing romantic about spending 2 hours trying to sort out a new international itinerary with Delta's automated menus. FML

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

#21425187
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27179) - you deserved it (2028)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:56pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

#21440980
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27293) - you deserved it (2096)

On 07/13/2015 at 11:10am - misc - by carl_carl_ - United States (Kansas)



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