Choose the period

Choose a category


Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

by Jon / 05/04/2009 at 8:46pm / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

by pathetic / 05/28/2009 at 10:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered in my wifes ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud because I was embarrassing her. FML

by Discostu80 / 06/06/2009 at 6:24am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

by stolenbike / 06/14/2009 at 1:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML

by Unlucky / 06/16/2009 at 6:49am / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer at one of my tables left his phone number and a smiley face on the credit card slip. I was completely flattered until I looked at the bottom of the slip and realized that he had left me a $0.26 tip. FML

by appleville / 02/10/2009 at 1:20am / United States (North Dakota) / Love

Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML

by Noname / 02/15/2009 at 12:44am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the hair salon to cut 6 in. off my hair. When I got there I decided to get my upper lip waxed for the first time. When my boyfriend came to pick me up for our date I asked if he noticed anything different about me, the first thing he said was "I see you got rid of you mustache." FML

by hey-o / 02/23/2009 at 6:09pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

by nutsucker / 03/08/2009 at 3:08pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I heard a little girl saying how much she didnt want braces to her mom because they hurt and make people look ugly. I looked at her and said, "Aww, there not that bad. See, I have them!" I then smiled to show her. She turned to her mom and said, "See!" then started to cry. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I stopped at a red light. I noticed the car in front of me had the reverse lights on. I thought to myself "Meh, that person must know. They wouldn't do that." The light turned green. Turns out they didn't. Nor did they have insurance. FML

by jezusflowers / 05/06/2009 at 10:26pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, I was drying off with a towel after coming in from outside. I noticed that the bathroom smelled like cat pee, so I sniffed all around to find out where my cat peed. Turns out, he peed on the towel that I was drying myself off with. FML

by Tcake / 05/19/2009 at 1:19am / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, my husband was leaving on a long business trip to Germany. As he's leaving, my daughter starts crying. 'Dont leave me with her !' she says. 'Take me with you !' FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2009 at 1:18am / United States / Kids