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Today, I had my first car crash. I ran into a parked car and the owner saw it happen. I then accidentally opened my door straight into her car as well when I went to give her my information. FML

#21115410
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29782) - you deserved it (8443)

On 04/17/2014 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I need to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone has left work, I decide that, since I AM a jedi, my penis ought to be my Light saber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: “At least someone is having fun!” It was my boss. FML

#523
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5835) - you deserved it (20274)

On 12/15/2008 at 10:58pm - work - by lopez - Sent from mobile version

Today, a very pretty girl came up to me and asked me for my phone number. Very pleased, I give it to her with a huge smile and tell her that I can be reached at any time. I then watch her go back to her group of friends. My number was for her gay friend, who then meekly waved at me. FML

#718
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18751) - you deserved it (2259)

On 01/06/2009 at 6:58am - love - by musamalia - Sent from mobile version

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

#1507
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28413) - you deserved it (6157)

On 01/17/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by Allenburg - United States (California)

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

#2727
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22463) - you deserved it (2218)

On 01/26/2009 at 6:44pm - misc - by glittercat - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

#2946
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17056) - you deserved it (2070)

On 01/28/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by noneoftheabove - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

#3029
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40641) - you deserved it (2999)

On 01/28/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by splooge - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

#4148
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25316) - you deserved it (4925)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:19pm - love - by MichiganExile - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

#4463
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54723) - you deserved it (2322)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Jack - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

#6894
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4811) - you deserved it (26695)

On 02/03/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by parishiltonsbff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in the car with a group of my girl friends discussing sexual experiences when I looked down and realized my Blackberry had dialed the family I babysit for and had left a five minute voicemail. FML

#22263
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38613) - you deserved it (12456)

On 02/10/2009 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Embarrassed (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

#35910
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25563) - you deserved it (32445)

On 02/13/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Kulcha (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

#89031
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44479) - you deserved it (5377)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by allyshah - United States (District of Columbia)



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