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Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 5:06pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try having sex despite her serious body image issues. Unfortunately, I couldn't get it up due to how utterly terrified she looked. Now no matter what I say, she thinks it's all because her body is hideous. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2016 at 12:59pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, my dad and I ran into a guy I've been dating. He flipped out and accused me of cheating on him. This is now the second guy to have a similar reaction to my dad. I guess this is one of those unexpected consequences of teen pregnancy that my parents didn't see coming. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2016 at 12:55pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to get my son off of the couch by turning off the wifi. Afterward, I went to watch tv. Turns out he got me back by turning off the cable. FML

by Howdoiwatchpoliticsnow / 05/29/2016 at 4:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I've tried literally every possible brand of antiperspirant deodorant available to me in my area. I went to the bathroom to discover I'd pitted out my favorite shirt. It's mild weather, I have done nothing active, and I'm not stressed. My body just loves to make me sweat. FML

by FastTurtle9 / 05/24/2016 at 4:10pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

by Medfail / 06/20/2016 at 3:13am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Health

Today, I was threatened with eviction over $6.25. They waited three days to tell me and left me one business day to get it done. Six fucking dollars and 25 goddamn cents. FML

by lululand315 / 10/11/2016 at 10:40am / United States (District of Columbia) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

by The L word / 01/30/2009 at 10:28am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my virgin guy friend told me he wanted me to be his first. I'm a guy. FML

by DC / 02/08/2009 at 7:37am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

by tylerlove361 / 02/11/2009 at 12:30am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

by jwz / 02/16/2009 at 10:25am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom asked me to look through old VHS tapes to throw away, I found one that said "Ashley's kindergarten Play-'95", I put the tape in, it begins to play, only to see "Days of our lives", "Melrose Place", and "ER". My childhood memories are ranked lower than tv shows. FML

by 4gottenmemories / 04/07/2009 at 10:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I got back a paper after a peer review. I had worked really hard on it over the last week and was proud of the end result. When I got the paper back the only positive comment on the paper was "well I really like the blue staple you used to hold it together." FML

by Kim / 04/10/2009 at 3:12am / United States / Miscellaneous