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Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 1:13pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, for our anniversary, I sang my boyfriend a heartfelt, self-written song. The first thing he said when I finished was "Your fly is open." FML

by zippersaremoreimportantthansentiments / 02/01/2014 at 3:11am / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

by coppervains / 02/22/2014 at 1:13pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, my store manager thought that it would improve morale to talk in hashtags. FML

by Lori_ftw / 02/26/2014 at 10:28pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

by chuchundra / 03/08/2014 at 3:06pm / United States / Animals

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

by FaceTime issues / 04/06/2014 at 2:57am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2014 at 8:20pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

by Nose bleed / 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML

by brodinn / 04/11/2014 at 9:48am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 10:04am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

by sheisselluv / 05/11/2014 at 4:30pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Work

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

by Helpful Smile / 05/20/2014 at 7:50pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2014 at 4:49pm / United States / Health